Winter Jokes

Because they can’t afford the train!

Sorry, but I’m eating alone this Christmas and have no one here to tell it to.

For Blizzard Entertainment.

Brunettes do, during the lonely winter evenings.

It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.

Because Winter came too early

A young First Nations chief in Canada has just taken over leadership of his tribe, and wants to do the very best for his people. Since it is autumn, he tells them they should gather firewood for the coming winter, so they start to do that. But the young chief still has doubts – what if they don’t stockpile enough?

He decides to call Environment Canada to see what their winter forecast is. The meteorologist who answers the phone tells him “Our indications are it will be a very cold winter.”

The young chief is concerned, so he counsels his people to gather even more wood, which they do. The young chief is still worried, though, so he calls back Environment Canada to verify the winter forecast. The meteorologist tells him “We’ve just updated the winter forecast – it’s going to be colder than usual – a very, very cold winter!”

Now thoroughly alarmed, the chief issues an important directive to his people – it is going to be a severe winter, so gather and stockpile as much wood as possible. The whole tribe springs into action and puts in the maximum effort to collecting firewood.

The poor young chief is nearly beside himself with worry for his people, so he calls Environment Canada one more time hoping for some better news. “I’m sorry, but it looks like this will be the worst winter on record!” the meteorologist tells him. Despairing, but kind of curious, the young chief asks the meteorologist “How do you know this?”

The meteorologist answers: “Well, the weather data is a bit unclear, but the First Nations people are gathering firewood like crazy!”

Because there are no bugs…

The snow women found it funny,

The snowmen? Not so much.

The boss stood before them.

“Winter,” he began. “I need you to stay cool in the face of pressure. Ice in your veins,” he said, patting his shoulder.

“Then there’s you, Summer,” he continued. “If the heat becomes too much for Winter, use that hot temper of yours to make sure the cops remember who they’re working for.

“As for you, Spring,” he chuckled, “this operation is gonna bring in a lotta *green.* Make sure that it keeps growing.”

He turned for the door as Autumn stood up.

“Boss!” he sputtered. “What about me?”

The boss turned back, shaking his head.

“Sorry, son. You’re just the Fall guy.”

Is watching it on TV from California

After being snowbound for two weeks, a Buffalo man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip in Minneapolis.

They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together. Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.

Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Buffalo’s was cold.

The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the email address.

His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had died only the day before. When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.

Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen :

Dearest wife,

Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.

Your loving husband.

P.S. Things are not as we thought. You’re going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.

… Every time it snows it gets so salty.

They got snowed in.

One year, a young Ojibwe boy was given the task of ensuring the entire village had enough wood for winter. This was the first time he had been given such an honor and he wanted to do it right. Before he went to work he decided to call the weatherman to ask what kind of a winter was to be expected. The weather man told him it was going to be a warm and uneventful winter. The boy thought to himself, ‘this is great. I won’t have to work too hard and I’ll be able to look good in front of the whole tribe.’

Just to be safe, he gathered a few of his friends and they went to work for a week. At the end of the week, after chopping and piling the wood, the boy decided to give the weatherman a second call. The weatherman told him it was going to be a very cold winter. Shocked at this sudden change and not wanting to disappoint the elders of his village, he gathered more of his friends and they went to work. For two weeks they cut and piled wood, hoping that it would be enough to last the whole winter.

Once again the boy called the weatherman and this time the weatherman told him, “Son, its going to be a very bitter, cold and long winter. Maybe the worst winter on record.”

Exasperated, the boy had to ask, “What makes you say that sir?”

The weatherman replies, “The Indians are gathering wood like crazy!”

Everyone is so positive all of a sudden.

During a cold winter day a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”. Husband replied to pour some warm water on them. After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now” !

I’m hoping to get him back this summer with some son-burns.

Very NSFW!

Allright, so this is a story from Norway.

It is a dark night in the winter. A small cabin is barely visible through the snow drift. A lone man, the cabin owner, sits in front of the fireplace. What little light there is comes from the fireplace and a few dim candles.

>Suddenly there is a knock on the door. In enters a man half frozen to death by the cold and the wind.

In tradition with the local rules of the mountain, the guest is offered dry clothes and a hot meal.

Hours pass, and bedtime is approaching. The cabin owner has to guard the fire, so the guest is offered his bed in the bedroom. With strict instructions not to bother his wife, who’s resting in a different bed in the same room.

Next morning, the two are having breakfast. Suddenly, the cabin owner stares sternly at the guest. “You did bother my wife, didn’t you?” asks the cabin owner. The guest responds with “No! No! Absolutely not!”. For a brief moment the cabin owner settles down, before he again cries out “Yes! Yes! You did bother my wife!”. “Allright, Yes! Yes, I did” admits the guest. “But, how can you tell?” he asks the cabin owner. A few dead quiet seconds pass, then the cabin owner responds “Well, she’s been dead for 6 weeks, and you have larvae in your beard”.

—-

Note:

>!In the mountainous parts of Norway, without road access or passable paths for horses, anyone who died during the winter was laid to rest in the crawl space beneath the cabin. When the snow thawed, the body was brought to the parish church, so it could be buried in consecrated ground. This story, or folk tale, is based on this practise.!<

Got fired. Apparently that’s something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.

Hiber-Nation

A snow plow

One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in Northern Minnesota were listening to the radio.

They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.”

>So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplows can get through.”

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park…” Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

“Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?

Then I found out the crystal ball shop had sold me a snow globe..

“How bad will this winter be?” He asked.

“It is good to be prepared. Get some firewood ready” replied the chief.

The chief then called his friend in the national weather service to ask him. ” How bad will this winter be?”

The meteorologist said “this will be a pretty cold winter”

The chief then told his people what the meteorologist said. A few weeks later the chief called to ask again, just to be sure.

“Well,” said the meteorologist, “its gonna be worse than we thought this year.”

Again the chief relayed this to his people and told them to put out more firewood.

Right before the winter came, the chief called the meteorologist once more to ask, “how bad will this winter be?”

The meteorologist said “it’s gonna be worse than we thought”

The chief thanked the meteorologist and asked him “how do you get such accurate information?”

“Well, we have teams of scientists that study patterns to predict what the weather will be like. But we found that the most reliable method is to just look at how much firewood the native Americans put out”

Because 1 to 3 inches is in your forecast.

The only time of year when 8-12 inches is used to describe something white. (Up North)

It was so cold, lawyers were walking around with their hand is their *own* pockets.

He’ll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won’t leave the house.

Both can fu k off in January.

Imagine the releaf they feel in spring.

Swarm.

What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?

Hurry up honey.

They will get chapped lips.

….31st December 2009, the employees of a company received the following message “While the company recognises your invaluable services, we are sorry to inform that we would be able to pay your salaries only next year”. Shocked on seeing this, the employees contacted the salary section of the finance department to know what was wrong. The department however clarified that it was just a joke and that they would be receiving their salaries the next day which was also technically, the next year. While some of them laughed it off, others couldn’t take this so lightly especially considering the timing, they were still recovering from the shock of the 2008 financial crisis. They felt that the so called joke made by the finance department was actually ACCRUAL joke on their lives.

Last year, when one ant gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.

The other ant asked him, “Why are you shaking so badly?”

The first ant says, “I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley.”

The other ant says, “That’s the worst way to travel. Do what I do.!! Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While there, look for a nice stewardess, crawl up her leg and nestle in where it’s warm and cozy. It’s the best way to travel that I can think of.” The first ant thanks the second ant and says he will give it a try next winter.

A year goes by … When the first ant shows up in Miami he shivering and shaking again. The second ant says, “Didn’t you try what I told you?”

“Yes,” says the first ant. “I did exactly what you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the moustache of a guy on a Harley.!!”

A Pigloo

Because of the snowflakes

Gildford from 13 th century

Sleighing

It’s beary cold

The least dangerous are sweater vests. They’re completely armless

Because the ice in Leicester is silent.

a bi-polar bear.

A farmer wants to grow his plants in the winter. He believes that he can maintain the vegetables if they have enough room to grow deep roots, so he puts them in shower.

A month goes by, and no produce has popped up. The farmer realizes that some plants take 2 or 3 months to bloom.

A second month goes by, and so does the third. The farmer remains patient.

At the end of the fourth long month or winter, the farmer is confused and disappointed. He thinks to himself how he provided the plants with adequate room to grow, appropriate amounts of water, and adequate light through the lamps he has bought. Frustrated, he turns to the plants and asks why they did not grow.

To his surprise, a voice responds, “Well what did you expect? I’m a shower not a grower.”

The Soviet general was moving with his army when he hears a whisper

“A Finnish soldier is better than 10 Russian soldiers”

Furious he sends out his best 10 men. Gunshots are heard but they do not return and he hears another whisper:

” A Finnish soldier is better than 100 Russians”

Enraged the general sends his next best 100 men with full armor support. Explosions, gunshots ravage the air. Nothing but a whisper returns :

“A Finn is better than 1000 Russians”

The general had it. He sends 1000 Soldiers with armor support, air support and the best equipment. There are gunshots, hard fights, a fire gets started, planes roar the sky and fall down. After some time, a gravely wounded Russian soldier returns.

“Sir, it’s a trap.”

“What do you mean a trap!?” The general responds.

“There’s 2 of them!

Brrrmuda!

So he buys a used Corvette and heads south for warmer weather. About five hundred miles into the trip the Corvette starts to overheat.

He stops in a small town and finds a mechanic to get the issue fixed. The mechanic says he is not going to be able to look at the car for an hour, so the Penguin asks him if there is any place to eat while he waits. The mechanic says there is a great fish and chips right around the corner.

So, the penguin leaves and gets a nice lunch. An hour has passed and he heads back to the repair shop. The mechanic has the car on a lift, so the penguin asks the mechanic if he found the issue.

The mechanic says “It looks like you blew a seal.” The penguin wipes the side of his mouth and says “No, that’s just tartar sauce.”

Because if it snows, you can’t call and say you’re snowed in.

It got so cold that bankers were walking around with their hands in their own pockets.

I just saw 2 meth heads carry a space heater out of a pawn shop.

They’d gone to see “Closed for Winter”.

It’s too far to walk.

Scientist one: It’s really cold outside, how many degrees?

Scientist two: it’s -40°

Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?

Scientist two: Yes.

I hate the snow, the ice, the cold. In these times I think of the 4-man tent I bought on sale sometime around 1995. It’s a basic tent, and it was a great value when I got it. It’s hardly used now and just sits in my garage. I get such Winter Blues that I think about setting the tent up in the back yard, even though I’ve never gone through with that.

But alas I wonder, is this the Winter of my discount tent?

I lost control and took out three pedestrians

It never got a 5th season.

…and sometimes I fall in bars.

Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer.”

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: “Computer really messed up now.”

Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees “Donald Trump Sucks” written in urine across the snow.

Well, he’s is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff’s HQ, and yells “Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Whoever did it had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!” The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor.

Trump hollers “Well dammit, don’t just sit there! Get out and find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!”

The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits.

Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says: “Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?”

Trump says “Give me the bad news first.”

The officer says “Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Mike Pence’s urine.”

Trump says “Oh my god, I feel so… so… betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. …Well, what’s the really bad news?”

The officer replies “Well, it’s Melania’s handwriting.”

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn’t see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flurries, I saw the headlights of a plow truck in my rearview mirror. Thanking my lucky stars, I turned in and followed the truck, hopeful that it would lead me back somewhere I recognized.

I followed that truck for what felt like hours. He turned left, I’d turn left. He’d swing to the right, and I was right on his tail. After a while, I saw brake lights from the plow, followed by four-way flashers. The plow had stopped, and I saw the driver get out and approach my car. I rolled down the window to talk to him.

“Why are you following me, kid?” the plow driver asked.

“Well sir, my dad told me if I was ever lost in a snowstorm, I should wait for a plow truck and then follow it.”

“Well,” said the plow driver. “I just finished clearing the Target parking lot. Want to follow me over to Best Buy??”

I thought I would need two layers.

So I bought two *pairs…*

Read my username.

They’re both flying information.

General Washington decided he needed to find a place to stay for him and his 43 men. The first place they found was a farm. The farmer, seeing just how many men the General had knew he couldn’t keep almost most of them on the farm, but was wanted to help the cause so in compromise he agreed to let just one soldier stay. Washington and his men talked about it and agreed that Alexander Cox should be the one to stay; a good soldier who all the men liked and the farm reminded him of home. So Washington and his men said their goodbyes to Cox and continued their search for shelter. After a few hours they came across a brothel and knocked on the door and the Madame soon greeted them and asked what they wanted.

“We need to take shelter until this winter storm passes” General Washington said

The madame, worried about all these men around her girls thought about It

“How many of you are there?” She asked cautiously

“Forty-two, without Cox” General Washington answered

“Well in that case come on in!” The Madame replied with relief.

walking around and enjoying the snow when he sees that someone had peed ‘Donald sucks’ in the snow. Furious, he called his Secret Service agents and yells “I want to know who did this!!”.

A few days later his lead agent comes back and says “We solved it sir, but there’s bad news and worse news. The bad news is that it’s Mike Pence’s urine”.

Donald gasps “what the hell could be worse than that?”

“It’s Melania’s handwriting.”

The voice says: “one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets”

The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again:

“One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!”

Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire and screans followed by a longer silence. Soon again the same voice yells: “One finnish soldier is equal to a thousand soviets!”

Now furious, the soviet commander sends a thousand soldiers and a tank to the hill. They hear even more gunfire and explosions. Then silence.

One heavily wounded soviet soldiers crawls from the hill and yells: “Commander! Dont send any more troops, its a trap! Theres two of them!”

(I know this joke is super old but idgaf)

One day one mole pops his head out and sniffs around.

“It must be spring because I smell maple syrup in the air. The farmer’s wife always cooks pancakes in the springtime” says the mole as he leaves the burrow.

A second mole sticks his head out and smells the air.

“By George, he’s right! It smells of sweet boysenberry syrup out here.” The second mole then leaves.

A third mole pokes his head out and with a confused look shrugs and starts to leave.

As he’s leaving the other moles in the hole ask, “Do you smell syrup too? Is that why you’re leaving?”

“No,” says the mole, “but for the last three months down here I’ve smelt nothing but mole asses”

It’s always 90 degrees there

Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?

After tracking a big stag for miles they finally get it in their sites and take it down.

As they struggled dragging the dead animal across the snowy, open fields, back to their pickup, they were stopped by a DNR officer and he asked to see their hunting licenses and stamps.

Assured that all was in order the officer wished them a good day, but offered some advice, “If you boys would pull from the front legs, instead of the back legs, the animal will glide easier the with the grain of the fur in the snow, instead of against the fur.

The hunters thanked the officer and took his advice.

After about an hour of pulling the deer, the first hunter says to the other. “That officer was a nice guy, and this deer is easier to pull.”

The second hunter replies. “Yeah, but he wasn’t all that smart, we’re getting further away from the truck.”

“You IDIOT” I shouted through gritted teeth.

At their cabin they met two canadians. The day after they decided they had to get food, so naturaly they decided to go ice fishing. To make it a bit more fun, the two guys from Texas decided to show the canadians how great America was, by beating them in an ice fishing competition. The canadians accapted the challange. The team with the most fish after two hours would win.

After about an hour the Canadians had gotten several fish, big and small, while the guys from Texas had not gotten a single bite. They decided if they were going to win, they had to start stealing the canadians strategy. The Americans retreated back to observe, and try figure out what the Canadians were doing differently. After 15 minutes of puzzling and observing, one of the Texan’s said “Gosh Darnit! The Canadians are cheating! They made a hole in the ice!”

So he hired a local Indian to help him find the nearest herd. After several days of riding, the quiet old Indian suddenly stopped, jumped down from his mount, and put one ear to the ground. “Here,” he said. “Buffalo come.” The cowboy asked, “How do you know?” The Indian wiped his cheek and replied, “Because my face is all sticky.”

Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume,moved into their tent and began to give the moose love call.

Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

When the bull was close enough, Roy said, “Okay, lets get out and get him.”

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, Ernest shouted, “The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?”

Roy says, “Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”

Because pirate ships have a very high Arrrrrr value.

“Swarm.”

Killed 37 Bobs

Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.

They were at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, “Who the hell was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”

“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinities and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

“Who’s that woman with Jim? ” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.

Apocalyptus

Now I have spring rolls

If someone in a Home Depot store

Offers you assistance and they don’t work there,

You may live in Canada .

If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

You may live in Canada .

If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation

With someone who dialed a wrong number,

You may live in Canada .

If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere

South of Kelowna for the weekend,

You may live in Canada .

If you measure distance in hours,

You may live in Canada .

If you know several people

Who have hit a deer more than once,

You may live in Canada .

If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’

In the same day and back again,

You may live in Canada .

If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow

During a raging blizzard without flinching,

You may live in Canada .

If you install security lights on your house and garage,

But leave both unlocked,

You may live in Canada .

If you carry jumper cables in your car

And your wife knows how to use them,

You may live in Canada .

If you design your kid’s Halloween costume

To fit over a snowsuit,

You may live in Canada .

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km —

You’re going 95 and everybody is passing you,

You may live in Canada .

If driving is better in the winter

Because the potholes are filled with snow,

You may live in Canada .

If you know all 4 seasons:

Almost winter, winter, still winter,

and road construction,

You may live in Canada .

If you have more miles

On your snow blower than your car,

You may live in Canada .

If you find -2 degrees ‘a little chilly’,

You may live in Canada .

Because they were in “Soc”-hi.

Due to tomorrow’s snow storm, please remember that side streets always get plowed last. However, your mom will continue to get plowed first. That will never change.

He was interviewed by the local paper:

«Pekka what was the first thing you did when you came home?»

Pekka answered: «I made love to my wife»

The journalist then asked for the second thing Pekka did.

The answer was: «I made love to my wife»

The slightly annoyed journalist then asked for the third thing Pekka did.

«Then I took off my skis» Pekka replied.

It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

At first the Soviet command sends five soldiers in, and they all get killed by The enemy.

A Finnish soldier then yelled to the Soviets “Is that all you’ve got? I’m only one here.”

Then the Soviet command sends in 15 soldiers, who all, again, is killed by the enemy.

The Finnish soldier then yelled again “I’m only one here. Do better”

The Soviet commander is beginning to become frustrated about the Finns, so now he sends in 50 soldiers, that again all gets killed by the enemy.

The Finnish soldier again taunts the Soviets because he only is one guy.

Then with increased impatience and frustration, the Soviet commander sends 500 soldiers in, that all get killed by the enemy.

The Finnish soldier then yells “send all the men you can, and let’s see who wins. One man, or all the Russians?”

Now with immense frustration and impatience, the Soviet command orders a mass push against the Finn, with 1000 soldiers.

Only one returns badly wounded and yells from roughly 250 meters distance (820.2 feet) “he’s lying, he’s lying. There are two.” Before being shot in the back of the head.

Bill Cosby was released before they were.

He uses all 4 at different times of the year, and each one is based on 1 of 4 different musical genres.

In spring he uses the jazz tent, in summer he uses the pop tent, in autumn he uses the classical tent….

But now is the winter of our disco tent.

“Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing’s, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.

But it’s not only the passion, Dad.

She’s pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.

We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I’m over at Jason’s house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home!”