Volleyball Jokes

when we noticed a couple in the bleachers.

They were being VERY affectionate.

She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear.

He had his hands on her too.

I said to my boyfriend,

“I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.”

He said, “Watch them, you already know how to play volleyball. -_-”

As he embraced me, he sighed, “OK, let’s go over the rules of volleyball one last time.”

A volleyball.

The service may be excellent, but he’ll try to spike all the drinks.

For spiking the punch.

They might spike ’em.

They serve and protect.

They bump the price up

Set the location

And spike there product

Because they know how to serve and kill.

Don’t worry though I’m alright now

It was the strangest game of volleyball I had ever played.

In vacuum with perfect spheres.

It wasn’t going over too well.

The volleyball net.

Person 1: I just got 3 strikes in bowling!

Person 2: I got three strikes in baseball…

Person 1: I got “nothing but net” in basketball

Person 2: I got “nothing but net” in volleyball…

Person 1: I just hit someone in the stomach in dodgeball!

Person 2: I just hit someone in the stomach in archery

There’s already been a wrist injury, but I should be ok by tomorrow.

The audience

Bleach volleyball.

But by tomorrow I should be fine again.

They decide to play volleyball, Democrats vs Republicans. As they walk to the court, Bush asks Trump, “I gotta ask, why didn’t you release your tax returns?” Trump replied, “Well, I was going to eventually, but as the public became more demanding I felt like caving in to that kind of pressure would make me look weak, and **I didn’t want to set a bad precedent**.”

At some point, the ball comes to Bush while Trump is perfectly positioned to spike it. But instead of setting the ball for Trump, he just lobs it back over the net. Trump says, “What the hell George, why didn’t you set the ball for me?” And Bush responds, “Sorry Donald, but *I didn’t want to set a bad president!*”

There is nice weather, hot girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. Suddenly, Satan comes up to him.

“Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me”, he says. >

The guy walks along the beach, has a few drinks with a nice girl. He walks over a hill, when he sees a hole in the ground, full with tormented people, flames rising up from the hole. The guy runs towards the beach until he finds Satan.

“Hey, I found this hole and all these people are being tormented… What’s that about?”

“Oh,” Satan says, “that’s for the Catholics, they want it that way.”

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he’s out; sometimes unintentionally, he’s out.

Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.

In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you’d ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you’d know the reason for this custom.

Now, I’ve mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.

I enjoy comparing baseball and football:

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.

Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!

Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.

Football begins in the fall, when everything’s dying.

In football you wear a helmet.

In baseball you wear a cap.

Football is concerned with downs – what down is it?

Baseball is concerned with ups – who’s up?

In football you receive a penalty.

In baseball you make an error.

In football the specialist comes in to kick.

In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.

Baseball has the sacrifice.

Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog…

In baseball, if it rains, we don’t go out to play.

Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.

Football has the two minute warning.

Baseball has no time limit: we don’t know when it’s gonna end – might have extra innings.

Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we’ve got to go to sudden death.

In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there’s kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there’s not too much unpleasantness.

In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you’re capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy’s defensive line.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! – I hope I’ll be safe at home!

I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.r>

It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.

…is the same actor who played Wilson in the 2000 movie “Castaway”.

Upon examining the great book, St.Peter tells the salesman he has an equal number of good and bad things in his life’s history, so the choice of heaven or hell is his decision to make.

The salesman, hesitant to make such a momentous decision, asks if he can tour both places to assist him with his choice. St. Peter says sure and calls up a cloud for him to ride through heaven. He floats around and sees streets of gold and people playing harps and hears voices singing. Definitely a nice place, but definitely boring.

He returns and St. Peter points to a very long escalator which the salesman rides down. At the bottom of the escalator is a white sand beach, beautiful people playing volleyball, his favorite rock music and cater waiters everywhere providing food and drinks. As far as the eye could see, it was paradise.

The salesman returns to St. Peter and states that while heaven was a very nice, serene place, hell was definitely the happening place where he wanted to be. St. Peter gives him a key card to the express elevator and wishes him the best.

The elevator zooms to the bottom floor and the doors open to a blast of heat and the stench of sulfur. As he steps out, a beast leaps from behind a rock and begins chewing his leg. Barely able to crawl, the salesman looks up to see the devil himself and asks, “Where are the beaches and the beautiful people?”

The devil chuckles and says, “Really? You didn’t realize that was just a demo?”