Volcano Jokes

I lava you

Whenever they hear a joke, they erupt with laughter

That ash.

The other says ‘nevermind her, what about the volcano?’

But volcanoes are ash holes.

Volcanos never fake an eruption!

Magma.

My 11yr old son came up with this joke

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Interrupting mountain

Interrup-

VOLCANO!!!

Because they lava alot

The lavatory, of course!

It kept interrupting.

“I lava you.”

It was rather pompeiineous

Don’t know if I lava anymore.

A lavacado!

But only once.

you might Krakatoa

Ashhole.

Smagma.

T.R. Ash

…active volcanoes.

Pyroclastic flow

…You’ll Krakatoa

Dormant

Bach Lava

“Any last words?” They ask the brunette while pointing a gun in her direction.

“TORNADO!”, she yelled.

They turn around and look for a tornado, the brunette escapes while they look away.

They pointed the gun towards the red head next and asked her, “any last words?”

“VOLCANO!”

They look away and the red head runs away.

The captors now pointed the gun at the blonde and asked her, “any last words?”

Now the blonde caught on and understood what the girls were doing so she yelled “FIRE!”

Baklava

Apparently the volcano has eruptile dysfunction.

The United States of America.

Because its plates were broken.

They assured him he would be covered.

Volcanoes

Baklava.

(It came to me in a dream last night. I dunno man..)

With enough years of study and observation, one can predict a volcano’s explosive tendencies.

It went bank-erupt.

But everything around it is Chile.

Said they took him for granite.

It was moltin’.

No, they’ll give it a miss.

Like I don’t even try it just happens! But I swear if it happens to me one more time someone else better start trying to fence off this damn volcano.

because of all the Bach lava.

Suddenly, they watched as one by one, the engines stopped working as the ash from the volcano they flew over clogged them.

The pilot announced sadly, “There’s not a damn thing we can do. We’re going to crash. Thank you for flying with us.”

While everyone was panicking, the three went to the back of the plane and found two parachutes.

The lawyer said, “I’m the best educated man in the world, so I should have a parachute.” He took the first parachute and jumped.

The priest looked over the boy and reflected on his life. He said “Kid, you take the last parachute. With any luck, I’ll see our lord and saviour Jesus Christ soon.”

The kid said “No, you take the second parachute. The best educated man in the world just jumped out with my school bag.”

In a state of panic, the chicken asked “What’s going to happen to my family?!” The cook looked down with disappointment smeared on his face. “Help! Help!” the chicken clucked for his final minutes have arrived. “I need your guess now,” said the cook as the deep frier began to sizzle. “A volcano, the sun, HELL!”, it screamed as his tears caused the oil to splatter. “Oh my god, how hot is that?!” it asked. “About 375”, said the cook. With its seemingly last breath, the chicken asked “K? F? C?”

Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano

I tried to get him with the old joke “What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?” The classic answer, of course, is “Finding half a worm.” So I said “Hey Michael, what’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?” He thought a few seconds, then said “Falling into a volcano?”

After I finally stopped laughing, I said “Yes, that *is* worse than finding a worm in an apple!”

I don’t know why she got so mad when I put my baking soda and vinegar volcano next to the nightstand.

I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.r>

It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.

But Elijah Wood.

Scientology.

For those who think religion isn’t far fetched enough, I mean come on Alien lizards living under the sea and then moving under a volcano and transmitting to world leaders.

add two Italian brothers and you’ve got the first five levels of Super-mario

(old joke i remembered, not sure who to credit it too though)

His journey started after learning everything he could from his master, but he wanted to test his skills with one of the three knights. A long journey took him across plains, he had to climb dangerous mountains, sail across perilous seas, and even fly over a river of lava, flowing from a volcano that hasn’t died in years and years.

Suddenly, he spots rainfall coming from one spot, coming from infinity, but curving as it nears the land. The man treks through a jungle to find that the rainfall passes into a cave, and slides down a hole at the edge of the entrance. He throws a rock down the pit, but hears nothing but the rush of water.

“Who goes there!”, a weary voice goes.

“A man looking for a knight with extraordinary powers, they say three brothers were knighted by the King of this land as the Trinity of Trigonometry, and I thought I’d be able to find someone here…”

An old man was wearing a toga which extended from his right arm down to his left leg (with an exposed left arm and right leg) shuffled from the darkness, his now white, scraggly beard covering most of his face, his eyes filled with the intelligence of one who has seen much, but is tired of living.

“So you’ve come to find a knight? Well, you’ve found a man who was one, once. I am the middle brother, the eldest being Sindbad, and the youngest being Cosmos”

The man looked the old hermit up and down, unsure of himself.

He asked,

“Are you Sir Tan?”

Society needs to stop discriminating, we don’t question a baker having a cake in the oven but as soon as I put 4 children and 2 horses in a volcano im the bad guy

…she argues endlessly that Frodo could have just ridden a giant eagle into Mordor and dropped the Ring into Mount Doom from the air, even though all the characters in the book say over and over again that Sauron can SEE EVERYWHERE and that stealth was their only hope of getting anywhere with the Ring. Did it ever occur to yo mama that Sauron’s GIANT EYE may notice a squadron of eagles flying straight for him carrying a halfling for no apparent reason, unable to hide or take any kind of cover? And that once his attention was well and truly focused on them, He would likely sense the presence of the Ring and be able to take action against them, like flying Nazgul or arrows or fireballs or any number of crazy evil magical spells? And that even if Frodo and the Bird Brigade were able to get past whatever Sauron would throw at them and get into Mordor, they would be flying straight into a very active volcano spewing smoke and ash everywhere, screwing with visibility and trajectory and making it like trying to drop a penny onto the roof of an apartment building in the middle of a heavy fog from a biplane that’s currently on fire? And that if they missed or were captured, they would basically be handing Sauron the Ring on a silver platter? DID YO MAMA EVER THINK OF THAT? HUH?!