Siamese Jokes

A Siamese orgy.

My girlfriend wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat.

My mate told me that they are really expensive, so I’ve bought 2 normal cats and glued their heads together.

The other twin replied, “That makes two of us.”

So they cut out the middle man.

So that the other one can drive as well.

Because they’re always partial.

I’m so sorry.

We’re siamese twins

Note: I am actually not a siamese twin

Suddenly, he gazes upon the most beautiful bronze statue of a siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies “It’s $100 for the statue and $1000 for the story that goes with it.”

The man replies “I really don’t care about the story, but I do want the statue. As the man is paying for the statue, the shop owner says “All right, but I guarantee you will be back for the story.”

The man walks out of the shop and starts down the street carrying the cat statue. When he comes to the crosswalk, he happens to glance behind him and sees 3 or 4 cats sitting about 10 feet away, looking at him. He shrugs it off and crosses when the light changes. He goes several more blocks and, at another crosswalk, looks behind himself again. This time there are about 30 cats sitting there looking at him. The man starts to get a little nervous and picks up his pace when the light changes. By the time the man reaches the pier at the end of the street, he has now been running for several blocks. He was running because every time he turned around, there were more and more cats behind him. He looked like the pied piper. When he got to the end of the pier, he turned around once more and saw at least 10,000 cats sitting there looking at him. There were so many cats that there was no way to get off the pier without going through them and he knew there was no way he was going to do that. In a panic, he turned toward the water and heaved the statue as far as he could. Amazingly, all of the cats ran right past him and jumped in the water after the statue and drowned. The man, still shaking from his ordeal, immediately started running back to the shop. As he burst through the door, the shop owner saw him and said “I told you that you would be back for the story.” The man replied “The hell with the story, gimme a statue of a politician!”

You get two for the price of one.

Much to his surprise they turn out to be Siamese twins, joined at the hip. One thing leads to another and the girls wind up back at the man’s apartment. They have more drinks and the man eventually talks the twins into bed. He makes love to one girl, then starts to make love to the other. The first girl sees a trombone lying on the floor and asks if she can have a go. The man doesn’t mind, so he hands it to her. The girl turns out to be a great trombone player and she serenades the man as he makes love to her sister. A few weeks later, the twins are walking past the man’s apartment building. One of the girls says “Hey, let’s stop by and see that guy.” The other girl says, “Gee, do you think he’d remember us?”

She caught me banging her sister behind her back.

I call them beta bettas.

But it’s alright, it was about time to cut him out of my life anyway

Hercules returned after his most recent adventure in the city of Molione where he defeated the demigod brothers, Eurytos and Kteatos, who were siamese twins and had the strength of 2 demigods.

At the temple, Hercules spoke to his father Zeus and asked him why he had to slay them when the gods could have just done it.

Zeus, running his fingers through his beard, took a moment and said, “a single demigod could stand against a god but would not defeat him. But those brothers were too powerful and they resented the gods. Years went buy and all the gods debated what to do…

Hercules nodded in agreement and interupted by saying, “oh, so the gods were scared?”

Zeus chuckled and said, “oh heavens no, we are mutch to practical for something as frivolous as fear. Eurytos and Kteatos weren’t born that way. When one of them decided they wanted to overthrow the gods we laughed. But when they teamed up, we though…

…if you can’t beat ’em, conjoin ’em”

—–

It’s a dumb joke, but after reading some mythology I came up with it. Nobody laughed, but thought maybe someone here would appreciate it.

…it would have been the perfect double cross!