Margin Jokes

But the margin was too small to contain it

They are sitting on a hill overlooking an office building which has just opened for the day. As they eat, they see 100 business people enter and 101 exit.

The meteorologist says, “Well within my margin of error”.

The biologist says, “I suppose one of them gave birth”.

The mathematician says, “That building currently contains -1 people.”

I’d have 60% gross margins.

But blank one’s is where I have to draw the line.

Jimmy had decided to take a year off before starting college and to hitchhike around Europe with his friend Billy. After several weeks he called his dad to get him to send them more money .

“It’s been more expensive than I thought over here Dad”, Jimmy told his dad. “We got to Germany and we were dead broke.”

“Well, do you have any money to eat until I can get more money to you?” Dad asks.

“Yeah”, jimmy replies. “We made a little money cleaning all the junk out of an old house for a guy. Man there were a lot of old papers and books and stuff in there. The guy said we could have anything of value we found, but it was all just junk.”

“Oh?” Dad says. “You didn’t find anything you could sell for a few Euros ?”

“Well, I almost kept this old bible that was in pretty good shape. It was really old. Published by some Gutenberg guy.” Jimmy says .

“Son, that bible was worth hundreds of millions of dollars if it was in good shape!” Dad exclaims.

“Wow! Well, this one probably wasn’t worth that much” , Jimmy replies. “Some guy named Martin Luther had scribbled all over the margins.”

The margins are pretty tight

Whale oil be damned!

The collector’s friend mentioned that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed the Bible.

“You don’t mean Gutenberg?” gasped the collector.

“Yes, that was it!”

“You fool! You’ve thrown out one of the first books ever printed! A copy was recently auctioned off for hundreds of thousands of dollars!”

“Oh, I doubt this book would be worth even nearly as much. Some dude named Martin Luther scribbled all over the margins.”

…then a group of crows spaced evenly between two margins is a justified murder.

The short answer is no.

Little Sally and Little Johnny are playing in the sandbox one day.

Johnny looks at Sally and for whatever reason decides he wants to play a game with Sally.

So he gets her attention and suddenly pulls up his shirt. And then, pointing to each nipple, he announces “I have one of THESE and I have one of THESE”…and looks at Sally with a typical kid neener-neener grin.

Sally thinks for a second, and pulls up her own shirt, looks down, and happily announces back to Johnny “Well, I have one of THESE and I have one of THESE, too!!” and she smirks with that typical kid “I showed you” face.

So Johnny, having been equaled, decides to up the ante, and whips down his drawers, points to his wiener, and exclaims “Well I have one of THESE!!”.

Sally, now understanding how the game is played, pulls down her pants, looks down, and is horrified to see that she does not have what Johnny has. Johnny, seeing that he has ‘won’, begins to laugh and taunt Sally no end. Sally is devastated that she is being picked on by Johnny and she runs home, crying.

The next day, Sally and Johnny are again playing in the sandbox and Johnny decides it’s time to once again see if he can get Sally riled up, so he starts the game again by whipping up his shirt.

“I have one of THESE and I have one of THESE!!”

Sally follows suit, pulls up her shirt and responds “Yup, I have one of THESE and I have one of THESE, too”.

Johnny, sensing victory is near, excitedly whips down his pants and shouts “Well I have one of THESE..and YOU DON”T!!” And Johnny laughs and laughs. He starts similar taunting to the day before.

Sally waits for Johnny, but does not cry or run away this time. When Johnny calms down a bit, only then does Sally pull down her pants and says:

“Well, Johnny, I have one of THESE…and my mommy says that with one of THESE, I can get as many of THOSE as I want”.

The Prophet Margin

The rules were set, and each vehicle was to drive 200 laps around a quarter mile track. Each vehicle agreed to this and the race began. After 10 laps, the motorcycle was in the lead against the car and the van by a large margin. Around 50 laps, he had started to loose ground against the car, and was only ahead of the van. 150 laps into the race, the motorcycle pulls into the pit stop and declares that he is quitting the race. When asked why, his only response was, “It’s because I’m just two tired.”

Because Marginal Benefit (MB) was greater than Marginal Cost (MC)

They both got their best teams together and had them compete. The result was a disaster for Ford. The Toyota rowing team beat them by leagues.

Ford had a crisis meeting, hired the best analysts and consultants, and after half a year they came up with a conclusion: The Toyota rowing boat had 8 rowers and one cox while at Ford, one man was rowing and 8 yelled at him.

Ford’s conclusion: The rower has to work harder.

Next year at the competition, Toyota won by an even larger margin.

So the rower was fired.

Like cannibals.

Razor thin margins.

Hello My Dear

Calvary Greetings in the name of the ALMIGHTY

I am Mrs Monica Gorgia from Switzerland I am married to Mr Joseph Gorgia who is a wealthy business man here in Burkina Faso. we are devoted christian.

We own a papermill in Nigeria where we currently have a large stockpile of toilet paper.

We have noticed with great dismay the shortages in your supermarkets and we are wanting to offer you a business opportunity.

We would like to ship 1000 pallets of 3ply toilet paper at no cost to yourself for which you can then sell onto others at great margin. We do this out of the goodness of our hearts as it is very Christian.

All we ask from yourself is to cover the cost of the freight. As we have several business contacts, we have managed to have that set at $5000.

If this is agreeable to yourself, then please be returning by email most expediently and I will reply hastily with the account details for you to deposit.

Yours Sister, Mrs Monica Gorgia.

Please Let My Situation Touch Your Heart

When they investigated they found he had died of dehydration, slumped over an untranslated copy of Homer’s Iliad that had been sent to him by mistake.

Scrawled on the margins were the words “This is the most complicated equation I have ever seen”

The time traveler says, “Hello, in my grad school I have learned that it is impossible for any number which is a power greater than the second to be written as the sum of two like powers such as x^n + y^n = z^n for n > 2.”

“Show me how you proved it,” the mathematician says.

“Indeed! I studied it for my thesis.”

The time traveler, then, goes on with his proof.

“Thank you, traveler, I wanted to take notes but right now I only have this book with a tiny margin.”

He was cool & an international student. His name was Ving and was from China. His English was really good for a second language, better than I could ever be learning a second language. We’d often hang out and I show him the sites and tourist destinations in my city. He’s much cooler as well as being smarter and funnier than me. I’m just average all over. Whenever I took him to a club or party he was the centre of attention to the point where he didn’t need me, but he kept me around anyway. Hell, I’d seen him get free drinks from the bartender on more than one occasion.

Ving told me often that he likes it here and doesn’t like the high expectations of his family. I felt bad for him. He could actually excel here while I’m kind of just doing average and wasting my degree. He often joked about changing his name to Bruce Lee or something and hide away so he would never have to go back.

One day after learning about profit margins or something in economics class Ving tells me how he has a sister called Ling who just arrived on exchange at a different university but in the same city and says it would be cool if we all hung out together because he hadn’t seen her in ages.

We all went to the beach and Ving, Ling and I formed an unlikely trio. Ling was pretty great also, but we both lived under Ving’s shadow. Ving kind of made us more confident in ourselves, and made me feel more optimistic on my outlook also. It was a shame that in a few months they had to go back to China.

Things did not stay this good for long.

Ving started telling me more about how he disliked the high expectations his family had of him. He said he felt he had truly found himself here & that he didn’t want to go back.

I was originally skeptical and thought this was a bad idea but at this point in our friendship I had basically become reliant on him to be considered cool with all my university friends. The fact that I’m Ving’s closest friend got me into clubs I otherwise didn’t have the looks to get into. He said that his sister Ling was already in on the plot and that we just had to follow his instructions.

He firstly had to change his name.

The three of us went into the city’s Local Citizenship Bureau to change Ving’s name. “What are you going to change your name to Ving?” I asked. “Bruce Lee” he joked. He was striding towards the counter, his eyes were earnestly focusing on the person behind the teller.

Ving walked up to the teller while Ling and I stood a few metres behind him. He asked to change his name. He pulled out his birth certificate. After a little discussion the teller said “Okay here is the form you have to fill out to change your name, however you have to incur a $300 transaction fee to change your name.” She was holding out a slip of paper with the $300 fee on it.

Ving immediately sat down and started to slowly break down into tears. We ran up to see what was going on. “I don’t have $300…” He said, crying, “Maybe I’ve made a huge mistake”. His sister Ling took the fee from the teller’s hand and looked down at her brother crying uncontrollably on the floor. She had no idea what to do either.

This was my moment. This was my moment to save the day and help the two people that had helped me so much in my own life. I took a deep breath in.

“Don’t stop, be Lee, Ving. Hold onto that fee, Ling”

Pi-Lingual.