Karate Jokes

He asked him what happened and the guy recounts his story.

He said that he was in the pet shop when he saw a parrot he liked. He asked the owner about it and the owner said that the parrot could do karate.

The way this worked was when one said “Parrot karate [object]”, the parrot would perform karate on the object.

Not knowing the way it worked, the guy, flabbergasted, said “Parrot? Karate? My foot!”

Partial arts

He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, “This is the punch line”

He said hi-Yah!

*My gf woke me up to tell me she came up with a joke and I’d figure I’d see the reception, thank you for your time*

A self defense attorney!

They respond ” At the Hyaaaatt ! ”

Hiya!

Gi’s nuts.

Waaataaaaaaaa!

Partial Arts.

Edit: It’s been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: “What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

Edit edit: best follow up question: What’s an amputee’s favourite karate weapon? Nub chucks.

I had to put my foot down.

partial-arts

With a punch card

“A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, “That was a karate chop from China.”

The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, “Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears.”

I’m still kicking myself.

Smirn on, Smirn off. Smirn on, Smirn off…

It was pretty bad. The first time he saluted, he almost killed himself!

He fails the first take, to which the director remarks, “Aren’t you a professional? “

“Yeah, but this is take one though. ”

He said, “Suuuureyoucan!”

Chop suey

He drove a KIIIIAAA.

“No”, I said, “It’s because you’re drinking my beer, you little fucker.”

Karate is a martial art and Judo is used to make bagels.

The parents of the dojo’s students were very concerned upon hearing how their children acquired their skills, when they told them “From Master Bei Ting!”

But I’m about to kick it

The Carroty Kid.

A Connecti Cut!

I just hate boards

They never got past the white belt.

I’m now in burning pain, but my chest is *spotless.*

What does this have to do with Karate?

He didn’t have a black belt

The wife goes to a pet shop and tells the owner “I’d like to see the toughest guard dog you’ve got!”

The owner answers “I’ve got just the dog for you!”. He presents to her to a tiny chihuahua called Roxy.

“Sure he’s cute, but can he really guard a home?” she asks skeptically.

“Lady, this isn’t just any dog, he is in fact a master of karate!”.

“Prove it!” she demands .

“Roxy, karate my chair!” he commands of the dog.

Roxy immediately attacks the chair in a blur of chops, kicks and uppercuts, leaving nothing but tinder.

“Roxy, karate my desk!” he commands. Roxy sweeps the desk off its legs and breaks it apart in mid-air before it hits the ground.

“Do you accept checks?” she says bewildered.

She brings Roxy home to her husband, who looks at the two of them aghast.

“Why did you bring that little toy? We’re looking for a guard dog!”

“Honey this isn’t just any dog off the street, he happens to be a master of karate” she beams.

“Pffft” replies the husband. “Karate my ass!”

Pork Chop

Turns out he’s a master of partial arts

Now he is beaten both at Karate and at school

When he’s not around, Dad now calls him “Chop Suey.”

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

‘Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

The Karate Kid

There were too many tired people hitting the hay

A porkchop.

However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.

When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I’d go say hi.

Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!

I couldn’t believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lying to me; two Wongs DO make a white!

when he was 15 years old, his friend gave him condoms, just as a prank but he put the condoms aside, because he was only 15.

him and his friends were learning karate from a friend Mike, Mike was a black belt in Karate the rest of them learning from him were beginner yellow belts.

his Mum can be over-protective so he didnt tell his mom he was doing Karate.

And then one day his Mum finds the condoms, so his Mum came up to him and said “Boy, i found your protection… Have you been doing it?”

Now he didnt know she was talking about the condoms he thought she found his groin protector for Karate

So he said, “Uhh yes Mum.. I do it after school everyday… Oh Mum, you should come and watch, I can show you some of my moves.”

His Mum’s like, “What? You’re too young to do stuff like this”

“I’m not too young… Mike has been doing it since he was 10 years old! He had to pay to do it! I get to do it for free!”

His Mum is shocked – “Who’s your partner?”

“Uhhh, I don’t have a regular partner… We do it in groups! We swap partners!”

Now his Mum is really freaking out – “How many girls have you done this with?”

“What girls?? I do it with guys! Most of them are yellow but one of them is black!”

He was charged with chop lifting

For watching him while he wax off.

Jacks on Jacks off

and a whole bunch of other words that describe skills I don’t have.

It’s called Cobra Caillou.

I’m not qualified I just really enjoy kicking children.

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences

He told me I could only Taek Won Do

The parents found out I wasn’t qualified and just enjoyed kicking children.

Now he is a master of marshal arts.

My next challenge is a green sock .

And this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says no, WTF man!? Are you asking because I’m Chinese?

I said no, it’s because you’re drinking my beer.

Marshall artist

Black and blue that is.

Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

Spruce Lee

I have no idea. But if it gets physical, all vegans know the art of foot karate.

They call it tofu.