Deficit Jokes

Drac…Ooh La La!

Here are some bad children’s books titles I found in my jokes archive. Can you think of others?

1. “You Were an Accident”

2. “Strangers Have the Best Candy”

3. “The Little Sissy Who Snitched”

4. “Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her”

5. “The Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let’s Go Ride Our Bikes!”

6. “The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking”

7. “Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence”

8. “Start a Real-Estate Empire with the Change from Your Mom’s Purse”

9. “The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy”

10. “Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear”

A manager for a football club signs his new star, a centipede. It’s the debut game for their new club and all the other players are out on the field when the match starts. The team starts conceding goals and is down 5-0 at half time.

During the break, the manager substitutes the centipede on and the tactical switch changed the momentum of the game. The skill was unnatural, footwork you haven’t seen before while dribbling around every opponent player, and scoring every shot taken. The team had come back to win 7-5 by full time, the centipede scoring all 7 while winning the man-of-the-match award!

During the post match interview, the press asked the centipede “That was an amazing second half for you and your team, coming back like that to win after that halftime deficit. It certainly looks like you’re fitting into your new squad well. However, with that ability and goal scoring prowess, is there a reason why you didn’t start the match?”

“Thanks. Err… yeah, I was still putting on me boots!”

He developed a ten Chin deficit disorder.

… just send them to concentration camps.

It’s known as a Concentration Camp.

I always suspected I had it, but I never paid any attention to it before.

I encountered a time traveler today. During my self isolation he came to the door dressed in a hazmat suit. I was of course alarmed when I opened the door to such a site. He quickly explained who he was and asked if he could have just a few minutes of my time. I didn’t believe anything he was saying but I figured the risk of transmission was low due to his protective gear and frankly, I was ready for some human interaction, even from a potential crazy person, so I let him in.

He sat down and said he wanted to tell me some things about the future because if this knowledge was entrusted to me, I could be trusted to use it for good. Over the next few minutes he told me about many things but I was left with many questions. He said I could ask a few, so I did.

I asked about climate change. He assured me that after 2035, nations got serious and the problem has been all but solved.

I asked about Covid-19. He assured me it would be a blip on the radar of human history and nobody worries about pandemics anymore.

I asked about massive economic turmoil we are in. He said despite the borrowing and deficits of earlier times, those debts are now repaid. The United States has never been a better more united society. Everyone has free healthcare.

I was so happy to hear all this. I asked about inflation and how much it costs for a gallon of water, or a loaf of bread or a cup of coffee. He chuckled and said I didn’t need to worry about such trivial things. In the year 2045, it was possible to still get coffee at Starbucks in America for under 150 Yuan.