Tower Jokes

I’ve got a plane to catch

Because they go down so well

A crane.

It is not his fault his has Turrets.

I fell.

I hear it’s an eye full

If you get me high, I can be swayed.

A threesome with two guys and a girl, where one guy is hitting it from behind, and the other guy is getting a head. The guys are high-fiving over the girl!

Girl: Ewww – get your hands away!!

Me: But then its just a London Bridge!

Unfortunately, Eiffel off.

He yells to him “Don’t do it! You have so much potential!”

It’s a real Eiffel.

*stood on Eiffel tower watching a beautiful sunset*

Sara?

*Gets down on one knee*

*audible gasp*

“Yes?”

Help my knee is made of magnets

One fateful night, the lights on the Eiffel Tower went out. It was, of course, a national tragedy for all of France and quite a problem, not the least of which being the fact that airplanes could very easily fly right into the thing.

The French government called every last engineer or electrician they could think of, and each one tried to fix the lights with no success. It was a baffling, befuddling problem that it seemed nobody could solve.

Then, out of nowhere, a man with the smallest hands anyone had ever seen came to the French officials and said, “I’ll do it. I’ll fix lights.”

The officials asked him what qualifications he had.

“None.”

They asked him his plan.

“None.”

The officials laughed, but they were out of options. So they sent the man up to the top of the tower with no hope that he could succeed.

But he did.

Within minutes, the lights on the Eiffel Tower shined brighter than they ever had. The officials were stunned, but elated. As the small-handed man came back down from the tower, they regaled him and hailed him as a national hero.

One question remained, however.

“How’d you do it? How’d you fix it?”

The man’s speech was poor, and he said few words, but he did say this:

“Mini hands make light work.”

A jumper!

I’m not gonna lie, it was riveting.

King’s Landing

It needed more door.

Cause it has better reflexes than the twin towers.

Whoever could drop their watch from the tower, get to the bottom and then catch the watch will win $100000. A man from Western Australia tried his luck by dropping his watch and running down the stairs (if there are stairs). He picked up his broken watch and left. A man from Queensland dropped his watch from the tower took the elevator to the bottom and searched for a watch repair shop. Finally, a man from Victoria dropped his watch, explored all the levels of the tower left the tower, went shopping for a bit, bought a bunch of souvenirs and then as he was walking back to the tower he caught his watch and went up to the top. As the staff were preparing the cheque one of the puzzled employees asked “how the bloody hell did you catch the watch”. The man then said “my watch is 3 hours slow”.

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity–sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and faint in their homes. The city papers reported that animals, particularly sensitive to changes in nature, were barking at odd hours of the night, and mothers were reporting cognitive issues with young children–particularly children under the age of 2.

Worried, city officials sent a team of scientists and engineers to the tower to determine the cause. When they came back with results, they informed the city officials of very disturbing news.

Due to a construction mistake, the power coils were incorrectly routed.

The cell tower was never turned on.

It collapsed, so now it’s just the I-Fell Tower of Piza.

They are pretty much bored until one of the guys proposes a challenge.

He challenges the other two to throw their watch of the tower and to run down as fast as they can to try and catch it before it drops to the ground. Each of them puts in $100, so the first one to catch the watch wins and gets the $300 in total.

They hesitate but do give in after a while. The guy proposing the challenge says they can go first since he came up with it.

The first one is readying himself to sprint down. He throws the watch and runs down like a mad man, only to arrive at the entrance of the tower and seeing his watch completely crushed.

The second guy, eagered to not let the $300 slip, throws his watch very high up and almost flies downstairs. Upon reaching the entrance he sees his watch just drop on the ground in front of him. Though he is know convinced that it is pretty much impossible to catch the watch.

The third guy also throws his watch down. He enjoys the view, so he decided to smoke a cigarette first. Slowly but surely he starts descending down. Before going to the entrance he calls his mom for a check-up, asking how dads doing etc. after the long phonecall he walks to the entrance of the tower, holding out his hand. The watch drops in the middle of his hand upon walking outside. The two guys are completely shocked. He gets the $300 and proceeds to light a cigarette.

They still can’t believe he actually did it. One of them dares to ask the question: “How could you possibly catch it when you were A LOT slower then us? How in god’s name did you do it?”

He says:”Pretty simple, I just set my watch 30 minutes earlier”

Apparently they’re having such a hard time filling office space in the new Freedom Tower, they’ve opened it up to big chain department stores…

Just what America needs — another Target.

One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. He went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The priest gave him the job.

One Sunday, the boy ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed, so he fell off the tower and died.

“Congregation,” the priest said before the assembled masses. “Does anybody know this boy’s name? I don’t know him, but his face rings a bell.”

So he brings 3 architects, a Chinese, an American and an Iranian. The Chinese architect says I charge 3 Millions, 1.5M for material, 1M for workers and 0.5M as my salary.

He goes to the next one. The American architect says I charge 6 Millions, 3M for material, 2M for workers and 1M as my salary.

Finally he asks the Iranian. The Iranian architect says I charge 9 Millions. The agent asks surprisingly “How come?!”

The Iranian replies: “You take 3M, I take 3M and we pay 3M to the Chinese to build the tower”

Mr. Gustave Tower.

In other words, the real joke is in the calm Ents.

They’re both Paris sites.

The graphic designer pressed the *ITALICS* key on accident.

Because he lived in Mordor.

They both went down on my dad.

On the first floor he finds to his left a ladder and to his right an attractive woman. She tells him, “Take me here or climb to success.” His curiosity gets the better of him so he climbs the ladder.

On the second floor he finds a woman even more attractive than the first one! She says, “Take me now or climb to success.” He decides to test this one more time and climbs the ladder.

On the third floor he found the very personification of beauty, she was more attractive than the first two combined! She says, “Take me now or climb to success.” He can barely keep it together, and climbs the ladder unable to even imagine what the next floor would be like.

As soon as he reached the fourth floor the ladder disappeared and he had no way out. In front of him was a massive sweaty 300 pound man holding a spiked chain and wearing a biker vest. He says, “Sup. I’m Cess.”

Belle.

Me: Simba

I dont’t see the point.

At Highschool we have a test every week and my teacher lets the person with the highest score bring in their favourite board game. For years, my favourite game has been Jenga, the falling towers game.

So on friday the 8th in the first week of September I finally get the highest score and the teacher tells me I can bring in a board game on monday.

mfw I walk into class on 9/11 with Jenga and I’m a muslim…

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?” The tower responded, “Who is calling?” The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?” The tower replied, “It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o’clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon.”

They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.

They are on the same wavelength.

After an official investigation it was discovered not enough tourists have been holding it up since the start of the pandemic.

Without all those tourists helping hold it up.

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London’s Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter.

The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.

“How did you do that?” asked one of his friends.

“My watch is 30 minutes slow.”

It was a nice ceremony, but the reception was *amazing.*

Kellyanne Conway walks in and asks,

Kellyanne: “Why do you have a gun?”

Trump: “Obama Spy Drones”

Kellyanne: *laughs*

Trump: *laughs*

Microwave: *laughs*

Trump shoots the Microwave.

He says to his wife, “I don’t get it. This is the third time in our lives that we’ve visited Paris and they still haven’t found any oil here.”

“It’s about high time,” commented the union representative.

He goes to the pastor in his local church one morning and says:

“Pastor, I am in desperate need of work. Is there any kind of job you can give me, despite my obvious disability?”

The pastor, with a cheeky grin, points to the churches bell tower and says:

“You see that bell up in the tower? If you can ring that for me every day precisely at noon, I will pay you $20 a day. Can you do that for me?”

The no armed man hesitates, but the offer of $20 a day sounds too promising, so he agrees.

Later that day, he makes his way up to the bell tower but alas, cannot pull the rope for obvious reasons. However, he does not give up. Being a quick thinker, the man takes a stance in front of the bell, and begins repeatedly bashing his face into the bell. Success! the bell rings on the strike of noon, and a slightly dizzy no armed man returns downstairs, where a very confused pastor lives up to his promise and grants him $20.

This process continues for several weeks. Every day at noon, the man would head to the bell tower and bash his face into the solid metal for it to chime, and then the pastor would pay him. Over time, however, this method began damaging the mans head, both inside and out. Bruises were always constant, and the pastor began noticing the man would slur his speech, look deranged and have trouble walking in a straight line. But there were no complaints, and the man, though a bit slower by the day, was still getting paid happily, so it continued.

On one fateful day, however, the man once again staggers up the stairs to reach the bell tower as noon approached. He took his normal stance, ready to smash his head once again into the giant chiming machine. However, on this fateful day, he succumbs to the damage, and as he charges at the bell, he staggers so much that he completely misses the target. His momentum takes him right over the shallow wall of the tower and he plummets to the ground. He is killed instantly.

A crowd of people begin to gather around the no armed man’s body, including a police officer. A woman looks at the body, horrified, and asks “Oh my god, does anybody know who this man is?” The police officer looks at the dead man and replies “I don’t know him, but his face rings a bell.”

Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, ‘Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.’

Donnie says, ‘OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.’

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, ‘Where did you get that beer, Donnie?’

‘Cooter’s wife gave it to me,’

‘That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?’

‘Well, not exactly’, Donnie says. ‘When she answered the door, I said to her, “you must be Cooter’s widow.” ‘

She said, ‘You must be mistaken. I’m not a widow.’

Then I said, ‘I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.’

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

The ceremony wasn’t great, but the reception was perfect.

So the white flag can be visible from Berlin.

Sorry 😛 .

The police aren’t sure if it’s a supporter, or a hater.

I’ll be honest, I don’t see the attraction.

and is hanged by the neck until dead.

At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

“But Donald, CNN says you were killed!” Ivanka cried.

“Nope!” Donnie beamed, holding up the rope that was used to hang him, “fake noose.”

Because one lost its queen and the other lost its two towers

Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

Sounds better verbally

Which is crazy long considering they were working around the clock.