Did you hear the joke about the dentist who loves tooth extraction?
What is a tooth’s favorite candy?
What do you say to a woman with only one tooth?
What did the dentist say when he had to pull a tooth?
A man and his wife go to the dentist to get a rotten tooth removed
“I wish more of my patients had your fortitude,” says the doctor admiringly. “Which tooth is rotten?”
The man turns to his wife and says, “Open your mouth honey.”
A lady goes to the dentist with a sore tooth.
The lady says “I would rather be pregnant than have a tooth pulled”
The dentist replies “Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair”
The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar.
A drunk man has a tooth ache…
After one drink, he tells the barman his tooth still hurts, and asks for another drink.
Then again, after his second drink, he continues to express his pain, so the barman serves him another, this continues through the whole night.
Finally the barman asks:
“Ok… Tell me which is tooth that hurts so I can take it out for you.”
The drunk man, drunker than never, removes his denture and points to one of the teeth.
“This one”
A father looks at his son after losing his first tooth. “Now that you’ve lost your first tooth, son, what have you learned?”
Bad tooth NSFW
A man walks into a new bar his friends told him about and they decided to check out together. He goes up to the bartender to give a description of his friends and ask him if he’s seen them, but before he gets the question off he sees his friends on the far side of the bar, and he notices a large jar jam packed full of 20s and 10s.
He waves to his friends to let them know he’ll be there in a moment as he turns to the bartender pointing at the jar full of cash and he says. “Hey, what’s this about?”
The bartender smiles and points at the jar with a soft chuckle. “That’s the bar’s challenge, you pay 30 bucks to hear the challenge just like everybody else, then I give you three challenges, if you complete all three you get to keep the whole jar. There’s gotta be over 5 grand in there by now.”
The man looks it over and grins, he’s usually pretty good at this sort of stuff and he has some cash to burn so he goes to his wallet and hands over 30 bucks. The bartender opens the jar, putting the money inside and he says. “Ok, the first challenge is you gotta chug this 40 of 120 proof vodka in a single breath…”
The man cringes already feeling like he’s lost, but the bartender continues. “Second… we got Ole Pete out back, my Pitbull, he’s got a bad tooth, you gotta go out back and pull his tooth without dying of course. Then third and finally, my grandma is upstairs… and well, she hasn’t gotten any since the 60s. That one speaks for itself…”
Recoiling the man wore a very sour face and asked for his money back, but the bartender just laughed and shook his head. The man figured it was the rules, the money was as good as gone, so he went to his friends and started drinking.
Hours passed and the man started to get a shade or two more brave with the help of a few rounds, talking with his friends finally he rounded up a hefty level of bravado and came back to the bartender.
“Yo! Does my money still count? Can I do the challenge?”
The bartender looked at him with a smile, laughing and shrugging. “Sure, go for it kid…”
The bartender slid the 40 of vodka his way and the man tipped it up and miraculously drained it all in one breath with ease. This got everyone’s attention and he strutted to the back door. The whole bar murmured as he went out back and they heard Ole Pete savagely growling and barking.
There were some worried voices but suddenly they heard a yip and some yelping before the man came back in triumphantly roaring. The whole bar lit up with applause and joined in his revelry.
The man smiled wide, turning to the bartender and shouted with fervor in his voice. “Aye! Now where’s that grandma with a bad tooth?!”
A man went to the dentist to schedule getting a tooth pulled.
“I suppose for a small discount,” thought the dentist, “We could reuse some of our disposable tools. It may slightly increase your risk of infection, but, theoretically, you should be fine.”
“That sounds good, but is there anything you could do to bring the price down even more?” the man asked.
The dentist thinks a moment. “I’m currently training a new hygienist. He is very green and very impatient, but if we let him practice on you, that will save me from ruining another set of training teeth.”
“Great! But is there anything else you could possibly do for me?”
The dentist shakes his head. “No. The only thing left would be to leave out the painkillers. But without those, the procedure will extremely painful; absolutely unbearable, even.”
“Please, sir!” the man plead, “I’m destitute! I’ll do whatever it take to make this as cheap as possible!”
The dentist relents. “Very well. I have an opening tomorrow morning at nine-thirty, if you’re ready. Shall I have a name for the appointment?”
“My wife’s name is Sharon.” the man responds, “I’ll be dropping her off around Nine.”
A dentist noticed his patient had a large gold tooth. He said, “Where did you get the gold?”
What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed it’s tooth?
What’s a tooth fairy’s side hustle?
A woman with five kids went to a dentist to have a tooth removed
The dentist said “Well, make up your mind- i have to adjust the chair.”
The Tooth Fairy wasn’t too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow…
What did the beaver say when he chipped his tooth?
I asked my dentist to put in a new tooth that matched my other teeth
Why does the tooth hate minorities?
A patient says to a dentist : ” you pulled out a tooth in like 3 seconds and you get the money, not fair! What an easy career”
NSFW My buddy asked me if I ever had a girl lose a tooth while giving me head?
NSFW A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favorite with humans. The dog says, “humans like us more; they even named a tooth after us (the canine). Naming an important body part after us proves they like dogs more.”
Last night, my daughter shouted downstairs, “Dad! My tooth has just fallen out into my drink!” “That’s great, darling!” I said. “Put it under your pillow and see what happens.”
What is the difference between the tooth fairy and a loan shark?
My 6 year old Niece told me this: What do you call a tooth that has been mashed?
A rich blonde woman from Beverly Hills was at the dentist about to get her tooth pulled.
She shook her head and said, “Let’s not pinch pennies, doctor. I only want the best! Do you have anything imported?”
They said I could never learn how to extract a tooth
My daughter just lost her first tooth!
What did the molar 1 say to the wisdom tooth?
What do you call a tooth in a glass?
I used to wonder why the tooth fairy never visited me…
My dentist told me I’m right on the brink of having tooth decay
A man goes to the dentist to ask how much it would be to pull a tooth.
“Oh, that’s expensive,” said the main. “Do you have anything cheaper?”
“That’s the normal price for an extraction,” said the dentist.
The man thinks about it, “what about if you don’t use the anesthetic?”
“Well, that would be unusual, but we could do that. It would be about $75.”
The man thinks some more.
“What about if you used a trainee and no anesthetic?”
“Well,” said the dentist,” I think that could work, but it would be a lot more painful. I think that would be about $35.”
The man thought some more.
“That’s still a lot. What if you make it a training session with a student doing the extraction, and the other students can watch?”
The dentist says, “Ok, that would be good for the students, but it will be traumatic to have it done that way. I’ll charge you $5 for that.”
“Great,” said the man. “That’s perfect. Can I book my wife for her appointment on Wednesday?
Daughter loses her first tooth
Husband : “yeah I know, she probably won’t touch my PlayStation again”
How did the lawyer chip his tooth?
My dentist removed the wrong tooth.
I have 6 eyes, 3 ears, 2 mouths, but one tooth. What am I?
My wife’s been nagging me to see the dentist about a tooth extraction.
Fergus goes to the dentist and asks about the cost of a tooth extraction.
“Och huv ye nay got unythin cheaper,” replies the Scotsman getting agitated.
“But that’s the normal charge for an extraction sir,” replied the dentist.
“What aboot if ye didnae use uny anaesthetic?” asked Fergus hopefully.
“Well it’s highly unusual sir, but if that’s what you want, I suppose I can do it for $65.”
“What aboot if ye used one of ye dentist trainees and still wi’ oot anaesthetic?” asked the Scotsman.
“Well it’s possible, but they are only training and I can’t guarantee their level of professionalism. It’ll be a lot more painful, but I suppose in that case we can bring the price down to say $40.”
“Och that’s still a bit much, how ab oot if ye make it a training session and have yon student do the extraction and the other students watchin’ and learnin’?”
The dentist replied, “Well OK it’ll be good for the students, I suppose. I’ll charge you only $5 in that case, but it will a traumatic experience.”
“Now yer talkin’ laddie! It’s a deal,” said the Scotsman.
“Can ye book the wee wife for next Wednesday?”
A saber-tooth tiger arrives at a cave party
“I see I’m too late,” says the tiger.
“Yup,” says another. “Everyone’s eaten”
What has 99 legs and one tooth?
5 year old: Mommy, do you know how long a tooth paste tube lasts?
5 year old: 2 laps around the TV table, and one around the couch
I was devastated when I found out the Tooth Fairy isn’t real. Because that means it was my parents…
credit: Ryan Stout
Everyone knows I have a sweet tooth.
A man walks into a bar and notices a jar filled with $10 bills. He asks the bartender what it’s for, and the bartender explains,
Intrigued, the man asks what the tasks are.
The bartender says, “First, you have to drink an entire gallon of hot sauce without crying. Second, there’s a pit bull out back with a bad tooth, and you have to pull it out. Finally, our 90-year-old landlady upstairs hasn’t had a good time in years. You need to give her an unforgettable night.”
The man considers the tasks and then asks about the prize money in the jar. The bartender replies, “Well, there’s about $3,000 in there right now.”
The man thinks it over and says, “No way. I’m not going to do all that for $3,000.”
A few drinks later, the man asks the bartender, “Where’s that jar again?” He looks at it and thinks about the money, then orders a gallon of hot sauce.
He downs it without shedding a tear, his face turning bright red in the process. With determination, he stumbles to his feet and heads out to the back.
The bar patrons hear growling, snarling, and yelping, followed by a long, painful scream. The man stumbles back into the bar, his clothes torn and covered in dirt and blood. He gasps for breath and asks, “So, where’s that old lady with the bad tooth?”
My daughter lost her first tooth today
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!”
The bartender says, “Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who’s never slept with a man, and you gotta go make things right with her.”
Laughing, the man exclaims, “Well that sounds like the stupidest test I’ve ever heard of!” He leaves to get drunk with his friends.
Later that night, the man comes back to the bartender absolutely hammered drunk.
“Ok bartender! Let’s do this test!”
The bartender hands him a gallon of pepper tequilla, and before he could warn him, the man starts chugging it. Teary eyed and near the point of fainting, the man finishes the gallon and slams it on the counter. Stunned, the bartender leads him out back to the alligator.
A few minutes pass, and after a bunch of screaming and clatter, the man stumbles back in. His shirt is torn up and his body is bleeding profusely.
He stares at the bartender and says, “Ok bartender, where’s the girl with the sore tooth?”
How do we know the tooth brush was invented in Alabama?
Santa, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street when they see a $100 bill on the sidewalk. Who picks it up?
(X post) Weaponized Saber-tooth cats would be a real menace.
I couldn’t tell if I brushed my teeth with tooth paste or shamoo last night
Posting OC before bed is like waiting for the tooth fairy
Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England
We Sometimes Take English For Granted
But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:
Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly
Boxing Rings Are Square
And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.
If Writers Write, How Come Fingers Don’t Fing.
If The Plural Of Tooth Is Teeth
Shouldn’t The Plural Of Phone Booth Be Phone Beeth
If The Teacher Taught,
Why Didn’t The Preacher Praught.
If A Vegetarian Eats Vegetables
What The Heck Does A Humanitarian Eat!?
Why Do People Recite At A Play
Yet Play At A Recital?
Park On Driveways And
Drive On Parkways
How Can The Weather Be As Hot As Hell On One Day
And As Cold As Hell On Another
You Have To Marvel At The Unique Lunacy
Of A Language Where A House Can Burn Up As
It Burns Down
And In Which You Fill In A Form
By Filling It Out
And A Bell Is Only Heard Once It Goes!
English Was Invented By People, Not Computers
And It Reflects The Creativity Of The Human Race
(Which Of Course Isn’t A Race At All)
That Is Why
When The Stars Are Out They Are Visible
But When The Lights Are Out They Are Invisible
And Why It Is That When I Wind Up My Watch
It Starts
But When I Wind Up This Poem
It Ends.
A good lawyer, the Tooth-fairy, Santa Claus, and a homeless man are walking down the street,
The homeless man obviously, the rest are mythical creatures