Tent Jokes

When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says “I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning”; the Marine says “I’d roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet”; the Air Force airman says “I’d call the front desk and ask why the hell there’s a tent in my room”.

– John, where you go?

– I’m going to pee outside. Be right back!

Two minutes later when he sits next to his girlfriend:

– John! It’s raining?

– Nah! Just a lil bit windy!

A Campingon.

I’ve never drank from a tent before..

I was the only person who could get the tent back in the bag.

A marine, an army grunt, and an airman are having a beer and the army grunt is telling this story about how one time he found a scorpion in his tent. Marine asks “what’d you do?”, and the grunt says he crushed it with his boot and flung it out the flap. The marine laughs and says “what a sissy”. The grunt askes “well what would you do then?” Marine replies “when a scorpion gets in my tent I usually cut off it’s tail while it’s still alive, keep it as a pet for a few days, might prank my senior officer with it, then eventually I cook it and eat it”. The grunt feels a little embarrassed, then shifts focus to the airman and asks “what would you do?” The airman says “I’d call the front desk and ask them why there’s a tent in my room”

100% of people get mad when their tent falls over.

It was in tents

“Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam, then I’m a teepee, then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor replies, “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”

I started watching this movie with my wife. The whole movie was a campground, filled with tents and two people sleeping in each. After a while, she told me to turn it off. When I asked if it’s because it’s boring, she said “No, it’s just two in tents.”

In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.

In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.

In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there’s a tent in his room.

Well Bob I would say you need to relax…you’re just two tents.

Thought you would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

It’s pretty in tents.

Members of the 4 British Armed Services are completing an exam for Officer Training.

QUESTION: You’re on a survival course & upon returning to your tent, you discover a scorpion.

What do you do?

NAVY answers: I would gingerly pick it up & throw it out of the tent.

ARMY answers: I would stomp it & throw it out of my tent.

MARINE answers: I would stomp it, eat it & then go to sleep.

AIRFORCE answers: I would call Room Service & ask WHY there is a tent in my Hotel Room.

But it’s okay, now I have ten.

He uses all 4 at different times of the year, and each one is based on 1 of 4 different musical genres.

In spring he uses the jazz tent, in summer he uses the pop tent, in autumn he uses the classical tent….

But now is the winter of our disco tent.

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.

“What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?”

A sailor said, “I’d step on it.”

A soldier said, “I’d squash it with my boot.

A marine said, I’d catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.”

An Airman said. “I’d call room service and find out why there’s a tent in my room.”

It’s “A man *ran* by a campsite” because it’s past tents

At around midnight, I woke up and looked at the stars. I told my friend, “Look! The stars! Do you know what that means?” He says, “The stars are other planets. Does that mean there could be other life out there?”

I told him, “You idiot. It means someone stole our tent.”

You have to RAN…..because it’s…….past tents. BWAHAHAHAHA

Now is the winter of our distant tent

The game gets intense.

Three lumberjacks; Sam, Dave, and Ben; are felling trees when a bear approaches them. Sam says “stay back or we’ll kill you with our axes!” The bear responds, “woah! I’m a proud vegetarian. I just wanted to offer you all a nicely cooked dinner since you’ve all been working so hard and are probably hungry.”

The three lumberjacks agree since none of them like to cook.

After eating a nice vegetarian dinner with the bear at their campsite, the bear asks if he could sleep the night there. Sam replies with “no way! This is a trick for you to eat us.”

Dave says “aw c’mon Sam, the bear has been so nice to us, I’m sure he won’t hurt us.” After some discussion the lumberjacks agree to let the bear stay the night.

The next morning Sam and Ben wake up to see Dave’s carcass in his tent. They both get angry at the bear for eating Dave and kill it.

While felling trees later that day, Sam asks Ben for advice on how to get stronger.

Ben replies “Swing an axe, carry heavy logs, and never skip eating protein at any meal.”

Note: I’d appreciate if any of you have any suggestions on how to improve this joke. For context, it’s to be told in small group gatherings to family and friends. I got such great feedback on how to improve the first one I wrote in this sub that I decided to post my second one too. This is part of my journey in going from a very unfunny person to actually being able to make people laugh once in a while. Hope this one made a few of you chuckle.

The entire situation was just two in tents.

A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity and has his way with him.

The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter’s camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pretends to read.

The lion runs into the camp, sticks his head into the tent and roars, “Arrgg! Did a gorilla come through here?”

The gorilla says, “You mean the one that nailed you from behind?”

The lion says, “You mean it’s in the paper already?”

I am not sure why anyone is surprised about the recycled Khan tent.

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

*”Ah….”* said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. *”I see you are the father of two children.”*

*”That’s what you think”*, the man laughed. *”I’m the father of THREE children.”*

The woman grinned and said, *”That’s what YOU think!”*

I hate the snow, the ice, the cold. In these times I think of the 4-man tent I bought on sale sometime around 1995. It’s a basic tent, and it was a great value when I got it. It’s hardly used now and just sits in my garage. I get such Winter Blues that I think about setting the tent up in the back yard, even though I’ve never gone through with that.

But alas I wonder, is this the Winter of my discount tent?

As they’re looking up at the night sky, Holmes asks, “Doctor, what do you think when you look at the night sky?”

Watson replied, “Well, sir, I first imagine all the stars I can see, and all the emptiness between them. It really brings home our insignificance in the grand scheme of the universe.”

Holmes pops up from his sleeping bag and yells, “No, you fool, it means someone’s stolen our tent!”

“What can you do?” asks the owner

“Really good bird impressions”

“Sorry we’ve got someone who can do those already”

“Oh well” said the man sadly, as he flew out of the tent.

It was tough to pitch.

A pun walks into a bar and kills ten people.

Headline reads “Pun in, ten dead”.

Pun is tracked to a hideout in the woods and perishes in a shoot out with police.

Headline reads “Pun in tent dead”.

It was a waste of time for all in tents and porpoises.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says ” Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu.”

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, “Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two.”

“im home hun”

A soldier walks into his commanding officers tent and asks “Sir, I’ve lost my rifle, What do I have to do to get another” The Commanding officer says “Well if that’s the case we will take the 700 pounds out of your pay check to purchase a new one” the officer turns around to fill out the paper work but the soldier asks “out of curiosity, if i were to lose an armoured car, what would happen?” The officer responds “Well we would dock your pay until the 40 thousand pound price of the armoured car was paid off” The soldier turns pale “SO THATS WHY CAPTAINS IN THE NAVY ALWAYS GO DOWN WITH THEIR SHIP!”

Found that in a joke book sorry if somebody else has posted it before, love this subreddit by the way

When he first arrives he notices the men all caring for a camel. Bathing it, feeding it their best food, and treating it like a goddess. The lieutenant ask the sergeant why the men are taking such good care of the camel. The sergeant goes on to explain how if the men are ever feeling “lonely” they use the camel. The lieutenant shakes his head in disgust and continues on with his duties. A few months go by and the lieutenant is really feeling the “loneliness” and he finally breaks and ask one of his men to bring the camel to his tent. The next day the sergeant notices that the lieutenant is extra chipper and says. I see you use the camel to visit the brothel in the local village.

I work at an apple orchard as an orchardist. I also tent to narrate the hay rides a lot. I’ve tried to Google apple jokes but could only find two decent ones.

What is darth vaders favorite apple? Empire apples

Why did the chicken cross the orchard? To get to the other cider

Those are good but I’d love to use more. They also need to be family friendly.

One is a warm tent. The other is a little cooler

You can only ran, because its past tents.

(I heard this joke around 1980, so I can’t claim ownership)

St. Peter at the pearly gates says, “I’m busy, so I’m considering 2 admissions at a time. Tell me a good poem using the word ‘Timbuktu’. Whoever has the better poem gets in.”

Shakespeare smiles broadly and says, “I am a great poet, so here goes: I went into a foreign land, I saw a sea of burning sand. A caravan was passing through, it’s destination, Timbuktu.”

St. Peter says, “Not bad, but let me hear Billy Bub.”. Billy hikes up his pants, spits on the ground and says, “Tim and I a-hunting went. We spied three maidens in a tent. They being three, we being two, I bucked one and Timbuktu!” (Billy got in.)

And was about to be put to death. The Chief spoke, “Since you are about to die, I’ll grant you a wish.”

The Lone Ranger said, “I want to talk to my horse.”

The Chief thought it was an odd request, but consented, and Silver was led around to the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispered in Silver’s ear, and the horse went galloping away.

Ten minutes later, Silver came back with a stunningly beautiful blonde woman in the saddle. The Chief smirked at the Lone Ranger and said, “Go ahead and use my tent.” The Lone Ranger took the blonde into the chief’s tent and came back out some time later, saying, “I want to see my horse again.”

“Again?” the Chief sighed and reluctantly agreed. The Lone Ranger whispered into Silver’s ear, and the horse went galloping away.

Ten minutes later, Silver returned, this time with a beautiful redhead in the saddle. The Chief smiled broadly and said, “What a way to go. You can use my tent again.”

The Lone Ranger and the woman went into the Chief’s tent and came out some time later. Immediately, the Lone Ranger said, “I want to see my horse again.”

Now the Chief was getting impatient and said, “Okay, but this is the last time.”

The Lone Ranger grabbed Silver’s reins and shouted at him, “Now listen, you stupid horse: posse! P-O-S-S-E!!!”

In 1959, the Florida panhandle was hit with a devastating hurricane. Many of the buildings and homes in Destin were damaged. The “Gulfarium”, which had opened a few years earlier, was largely undamaged. Their diesel generators were meant for the numerous fish and marine mammals, but could easily handle a larger load. So a tent city was set up in their parking lot for displaced families. A fish supplier in Pensacola was asked to increase shipments to feed not only the marine life in the building, but the hundreds of people in the parking lot. For all in tents and porpoises, it worked pretty well.

…there before him lies a table with three upright cups. Behind the table, grinning ear to ear, is the proprietor.

“Welcome! Welcome!”, the proprietor says. “Care to play? Only five shekels. Keep track of which cup has the bean under it and win double.”

Unmoved, the man replies, “Certainly not. The inside of those cups is coated with animal glue. While you move the cups around, the bean will stick to the inside. And, it will appear that any cup I select has no bean underneath when you lift it.”

“Is that so?” says the proprietor, glaring at the man with his best poker face.

“Indeed” says the man. “In fact, even now you have a tell. Your left eye is twitching, and your right index finger is tapping the table. Further, as I describe this to you, there are two beads of sweat starting to slowly drip down your left temple.”

Stunned, the proprietor asks” how in the world did you figure me out?”

*POOF* In an instant, the mask is removed and the youthful looking man is revealed to be quite old and wise.

“Let this be a valuable lesson to you” he says. “Things aren’t always what they seem.”

“So you’ve seen this before?” the proprietor asks.

“I certainly have,” replies the man. “In fact, it feels like forever ago now, but I was even there for the original con tent.”

…I asked what his policy was on cocaine use.

He shrugged and said, “That’s my line in the sand.”

…Or maybe she said “a tent of lovers.” I wasn’t really listening…

They tightened him up in a tent and let his horse free

Later that evening the horse entered the tent when no one was watching, the sheriff whispered something in its ear

Later that night the horse came back with a young lady on its back, she spent the night with the sheriff and left before sunrise

The next evening the horse came back to its master tent and had orders whispered to its ear, and came back late in night with another young lady who entertained the sheriff and left before the kidnappers could notice anything

The third night the sheriff whispered to the horse: “listen good; I said bring POSSE!”

He was a con-tent creator.

Scrambling, they look outside and see a bear, standing on its hind legs.

“Roar!” the bear growls.

They begin to run away into the woods, but the bear doesn’t give chase. In fact, it’s still standing there, looking at the tent.

“Roar!” the bear growls.

They stop and watch but it just keeps standing there. They inch closer, but no reaction.

“Roar!” the bear growls.

They summon up all their courage and approach to within inches. No reaction.

“Roar!” the bear growls.

“I think this bear might be broken,” observes the son.

The dad nods. “I think that bear’s repeating.”

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes woke up Watson and said: “Watson lookup in the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied: ” see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes said: “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson replied: “Well if there are a million stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.” And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole our tent.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll be blunt.” the fortune teller says. “You need to prepare yourself to become a widow. Your husband will be murdered in a manner most gruesome before the year is done.”

The woman was petrified, unable to process the information that’s been given to her. Her hands began to shake and her throat felt like a desert as she barely managed to croak out the question on her mind.

“Will I be acquitted?”

One day Fibonacci goes to the fair with his friends: Ms.One, Mr.Five, and Dr.Twenty.

While Fibonacci perused the fairgrounds, his friends decided to enjoy a variety of different competitions and games.

Ms.One thought to try her hand at the ring toss and ball throwing games. She’s a pretty good shot and quickly wins a pair of adorable stuffed toys shaped, oddly enough, like small cherry trees.

Mr.Five, being a man with a hearty appetite, went to sign up for the pie eating contest. When the time came to compete, Mr.Five set to his task with a ravenous fervor. The competition was brutal and incredibly messy, but by the end Five had scarfed over a dozen pies.

Dr.Twenty wandered to an area a little more removed from the main fairground. He was, in fact, looking for the tent that he knew would host the poker tables. Dr.Twenty was an avid gambler, a man of numbers and statistics as well. Upon finding the tables, Dr.Twenty is already prepared with his own bet. Placing ten dollars in the pot, he is dealt his cards and solidifies his poker face. After a solid hour of cards, the doctor had won over three times as much as he had originally bet.

All the while, Fibonacci had walked between his friends and checked on their activities. In his wanderings he had run into an acquaintance of the group. They asked, “How did the others fare in their games of choice?”

Fibonacci responds, “Oh, One won two trees, five ate thirteen, Twenty won $34.55.”

In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up and asks “tell me, Watson, what do you observe?”

Watson replies “it is a clear, cloudless sky. To the east I see the constellation of Orion whereby I can trail the handle of the plough pointing to Polaris, the North Star. As my eyes adjust to the dim light I can make out the tree line on the near horizon… and the one there in the middle appears to be an oak if I’m not mistaken. I also hear the solitary shriek of a barn owl coming from the west.”

Holmes replies “Nope. Somebody’s nicked our tent.”

They pitch up their tent and fall asleep. A few hours later, they both wake up.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.

“I see millions and millions of stars, my dear Holmes.”

Holmes: “Tell me what that means Watson.”

Watson: “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that they are millions of galaxies. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be a quarter past three. Theologically, it is evident that the lord is all powerful and that we are insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?

Holmes is silent for a moment then speaks “Watson you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.”

Their names are George Bernard and William Briggs. On this journey they’ve been given a state of the art ship to cross through iceberg laden waters unscathed and plenty of supplies for the trip. On the 20th of December George and William set off on their expedition. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to the people setting up the journey the two men hate each other so much that they won’t even speak so much as a word to one another. Day after day goes by without a peep between them. They pass by Beluga whales, seals, even the occasional Orca (No Penguins because it’s the North Pole) and still silence. Eventually, even this mighty ship can’t go on and it’s time for the expedition to continue on foot.

The two unpack their rations and head out into the snow fields. As they draw nearer to the Pole it’s finally time to stake down their Tent and set up for the long night. Yet even after all these miles George and William hate each other and no words have been spoken. The two set out to hunt for some snow rabbits, but even this is hampered by their communication. One man spots an animal, but doesn’t call out to the other and eventually after this disastrous attempt they return to the tent.

George tucks into his sleeping bag, but William being a bit weary peaks his head out through the tent flap as the sun sets and sees the first Polar Bear of their entire journey. Hurriedly William tucks his head back into the tent out of fear before hearing a big splash outside and he peaks back out again. The Polar Bear has fallen into the water and William quickly turns to George and says “Do you know how much a polar bear weighs, enough to Break the ice”

In the middle of the night, Sherlock shakes Watson awake. “Tell me Watson” he said “What can you deduce by looking at the stars?”

Watson, slightly puzzled, said “Well, I can deduce by the number of them that the universe must be incredibly vast, and contain billions of stars. Likely, all of those stars have planets, and I could deduce that statistically, there must be at least one other planet capable of supporting intelligent life.”

Seeing Sherlock shake his head, Watson continued. “And, I suppose that I could philosophically deduce that, compared to the infinite universe, we are insignificant specks, and are far less important than we believe ourselves to be.”

Sherlock shook his head again. “Watson you důmb**… *someone stole our tent*!

Jesus is hitting puberty and Joseph wants to help him become a man. He approaches Mary Magdelene to enlist her help to which she readily agrees.

He takes her back to the tent and waits outside.

A few minutes later, Mary runs from the tent screaming.

Joseph enters the tent and asks what happened.

Jesus spoke: “She came in and started to snuggle real close. After a bit she stood up and dropped her robe. I could see that she was very different from me.

So I healed her

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: “Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn’t take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with my wife!”

The doctor remains calm: “The answer lies in the genetics. Some genetics have recessive traits, which are not apparent to the parents but may be passed on to the child. For example, last week one of your sheep gave birth to a black sheep.”

The chieftain pauses for a thinking, then replies: “I tell you what. You say no word about black sheep and I say no word about white child.”

To the first, he gave a buffalo hide. To the second, he gave a deer hide. But for the third, his favorite, he sent a brave far away, across land and water, to retrieve the rare and highly coveted hide of the hippopotamus.

Within a year, the first two squaws had each borne the Indian chief a son. In their honor, they were moved into a spacious, comfortable tepee. The third squaw, though childless, was also moved into another spacious tepee. The first two squaws complained bitterly of this inequity. They, who had borne sons for the chief, had to share a tent, while the third and childless squaw got one to herself. So the chief explained:

“The sons of the squaws of the two hides are equal to the squaw of the hippopotamus.”

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

“So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger” ..

“In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days.”

“Before I kill you, I grant you three requests”

“What is your FIRST request???’

The Lone Ranger responds,

“I’d like to speak to my horse.”

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver’s ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger’s tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed.

“You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days.”

“What is your SECOND request???”

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse’s ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.

“You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow.”

“What is your LAST request ???”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse, … alone.”

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger’s tent.

Once they’re alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

“READ MY LIPS!!!! FOR… THE… LAST… TIME…

BRING POSSE”

After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.

Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks “Watson, what do you see?” Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“Correct, Watson, and what do you conclude from that?”

Watson thinks for a moment and then answers: “Well, temporally I conclude it is about 03:30 AM, astrologically I conclude that Venus is showing in the sign of Aquarius, astronomically I conclude that we are on a planet, orbiting the sun in a spiral arm of our galaxy, and religiously I conclude that God wants to show us with this splendour that we are but a small, insignificant speck of dust in the infinite grace of His creation. Why, Holmes? What do you mean?”

“Watson… somebody stole our tent.”

The Lone Ranger is captured by outlaws. They are definitely planning on killing him, but have so much respect for the lawman that they decide to grant him 3 final requests. Upon hearing this the Lone Ranger says that he will only tell his requests to his noble steed, Silver. The bad guys agree. The Lone Ranger leans close into the horse’s ear and whispers something. Silver immediately bolts in the direction of the nearest town returning shortly with a beautiful woman in the saddle. The outlaws shake their heads in approval and escort the woman and the Lone Ranger to an empty tent. The Lone Ranger takes her back to the tent, shaking his head from side to side and muttering under his breath. After several hours they emerge and Silver takes the woman back to town. When he returns, The Lone Ranger once again whispers something in the horse’s ear. Silver immediately bolts in the direction of the nearest town returning shortly with a different but equally beautiful woman in the saddle. The Lone Ranger takes her back to the tent, shaking his head from side to side and muttering under his breath. After several hours they emerge and Silver takes the woman back to town. When the horse returns, The Lone Ranger, who is visibly annoyed by now, grabs Silver by the ear, pulls him in close, and, speaking in the calmest and clearest voice he can muster whispers “I. SAID. POSSE.”

… she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She’s like most women – loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Shopping centre:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don’t have a Code 3.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

August 14: Moved a, ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, ‘Madonna Look’ using different sizes of funnels.

October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.