Subway Jokes

When you go to Subway, none of their subs have anything original in them either.

They both exaggerate the length.

When the train pulls into the Times Square station, a man, completely naked except for his socks, boards and sits directly opposite the women and begins to man-splay.

One of the women begins to snicker, which makes her friend very frightened. She gently elbows her friend to get her to stop, lest the guy becomes agitated and irate.

When the friends finally reach their destination, the friend is chastised for chuckling.

“You could have gotten us killed. What on earth was so funny about that?” the woman asks her friend.

The other woman replies, “Can you believe that guy was wearing different colored socks?”

A train of thot

You pay someone else to do your wife’s job!

A drunk man boards a subway and sits next to a priest. The priest is disgusted to see his miserable condition and says, “You are going to hell”. The drunk guy looks up frightened and says, “damn I got on the wrong train”.

“Welcome to Subway, what can I get you?”

The monk looks at the sign and says, “Make me one with everything.”

Underrated.

Theyre both thinking “I really want to get off right now”

Take the “S” out of “sub” and the “F” out of “way”

The sandwich artist says, “Sorry, we don’t serve chicken.”

the 3rd one will shock you!

We both lie about it being six inches

The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it’s burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.

r>Finally he asks his boss if he can just not wait on that customer. His boss asks why.

The worker screams in frustration: “I hate the mods on that sub!”

Everything, my girlfriend recently got a job at Subway, I’m very proud of you sweetie

Metro

Whoops, wrong sub.

A subwoofer.

I asked the girl, can you make me a sandwich please.

She said no problem sir.

I turned to the wife and said, see how hard was that…

It’s just how I get off.

In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.

The Subway girl turned to the guy in front of me in the queue and said “Footlong?”

He answered, “Look lady, you’re very attractive, but I’m not bending it in half for anybody”

A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.

A tube of smarties.

Couldn’t work at a place where’s its “appropriate” for someone to walk in and ask for a 6 inch Italian.

Now if they would actually put some meat in them…

I ordered a clubhouse sandwich, and watched as the guy behind the counter added in all the ingredients. When he got to the end, he put a little stick through the sandwich to keep it together. Then, to my surprise, he got another stick and stuck it in as well! He kept going for several minutes, until the entire sandwich was filled to the brim with sticks.

Stunned, I carried the sandwich over to the table my wife was already eating at. When she looked up and saw my sandwich, she scoffed and said, “Wow, that sub is filled with re-posts”

“Why do you deserve this job?” The interviewer asks.

“I’m an overachiever, the customer asks for no cheese, I give them extra cheese.” The interviewee responds

He was in a train of thought.

Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.

Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?

Guy: Why do you think so?

Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.

Guy: You are right, I’m from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.

Woman: Yeah. But how have you guessed it?

Guy: You haven’t even thanked me.

When the subway arrives, it is nearly full. The husband tells his wife “Honey, you should board this train with the kids, and I’ll catch the next train.” The wife does so, and the train departs with his wife and ten children.

While waiting for the train, there is an old man with a walker shuffling about. Each time he moves, there is an annoy screeching sound that comes bottom of his walker. It becomes so annoying, the husband finally says “Sir! Can you please put some rubbers those ends of the walker so we can both wait for the next train peacefully?!?”

The old man replies “Well, if you had put a rubber on your end, we’d all be riding the train right now!”

The deaf woman says to the guy: *sign language*

And the blind man says:

A metrognome.

A hot boxcar.

A man walks into a Subway and orders a meatball marinara, the worker then asks him

“Would you like a joke along with your meal today?”

To which the man replies

“I sure would”

The worker then leaves and comes back with a huge walnut, the man sighs of disappointment and takes the walnut, cracks it open, retrieves his meatball marinara out of it and eats it. The next day the same man comes to the Subway and again orders a meatball marinara, the worker again asks,

“Would you like a joke with your meal today?”

To which the man replies,

“Yes, and please make sure to include it this time”

The worker then leaves and comes back with another large walnut. The man sighs of disappointment once more and cracks the shell open and eats his meatball marinara. The next day the same man comes back to the Subway, this time more determined. He orders his usual meatball marinara and the worker once again asks

“Would you like a joke with your meal today?”

To which the man replies,

“Yes, but there better be one this time”

The worker the leaves and comes back with another large walnut. The man then cracks it open and sees his meatball marinara once again, he looks up at the worker and states

“This is the third day in a row I have been here and I have yet to receive a joke with my order, I wish to complain to a manager”

The employee then grabs the manager and the man explains his distress of being promised a joke and not receiving one, the manager then looks down at the counter and says

“Oh I see, the joke is this sub in a nutshell”

Probably not, he’s an underground artist

So you can finally say you are earning money as an artist.

Ordering a foot long and I said to the girl behind the counter ‘do you know what else is 12 inches?’

Before she could respond, I grabbed my crotch and said ‘4 of these!’

because I’ve got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches

Whops, wrong sub.

Who was studying in Pennsylvania University.

His father was one of the richest Sheikh in middle East.

Everyday he comes to his college in his own Ferrari GT 250 while the others use public transport.

This makes him quite uncomfortable and sad.

One day he texts his dad and says ” dad, I’m the only one who comes to college in Ferrari while everyone including my friends and teachers uses subway train. This makes me sad and uncomfortable.”

His dad replied after few hours ” don’t worry son , I understand how you’re feeling right now. I just transferred the money. Go get yourself a subway train. Love from dad ”

They say it’s six inches but in reality it’s only four.

He then sees the sandwich artist (that’s what they are called) is a skinny, young, inexperienced kid- a perfect target to bully while ordering some subs. He walks up to the kid and starts his order of his 6-inch sub

The kid then proceeds to cut a footlong sub bread in half for a 6-inch sub when the bully interjects, and attempts to start bullying the kid by pointing out in an annoyed voice: “That definitely looks shorter than six inches!”

The kid was undaunted, however, and propped his arms against the counter and in the sweetest voice, replied, “Dude, you need to stop listening to your girlfriend.”

So I stopped in and had her make me a sandwich, for old times sake.

G: Everytime you smile I feel like calling you over to my place

B: awww… Are you single?

G: No I’m a dentist

Trying to get into smaller pants

They realized he was stroganoff

I advertise 6 inches but you get a bit less.

The first priest orders a turkey on italian, and also asks for some red wine. The worker says, “well we don’t serve wine here, but since you’re a priest I’ll go run and get some for you.” So he runs to the liquor store across the street to go buy some wine.

The second priest orders a meatball sub, and he also asks for some red wine. The worker says, “well we don’t serve wine, but since I got the other priest some, I’ll go run and get you some.” So he runs across the street again to the liquor store.

Then the whale walks up to the counter and says, “Waoooaoooooaaooo.”

A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.

was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.

Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.

I asked him, “why did you stop playing?”

To which he replied, “I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome.”

Talking about an underground railroad is still a sore subject around those parts.

Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.

I ordered the usual, roast beef with cucumbers, lettuce and Chipotle sauce.

When I got the sandwich, it was mouldy and looked like it had been used many times before, so I handed back to the employee who had made it.

He looked at it for a while before saying “oh yeah, this sub has a lot of recycled content.”

He thought they had delivery service.

I had to beat them off.

She went to Jared’s

She goes to the bank and steps up to the counter. She asks the teller, “How old do you think I am?”

The teller looks her up and down and guesses 35.

“Nope, 50!” she says, and goes to Subway for lunch.

She asks the sandwich artist behind the counter, “How old do you think I am?”

The artist looks her up and down and guesses 27.

“Nope, 50!” she says, and heads to the park to eat her sandwich.

After a bit, an elderly man sits next to her on the bench and starts eating his lunch. She turns to him and asks, “How old do you think I am?”

The elderly man looks her up and down and says, “Well, back in my day, there was one surefire way to tell a woman’s age: check her tiddys.”

The woman, seeing no one was around, agreed and opened her blouse. The old man went to town. Kneading, tugging, squishing, yanking, motorboating . He worked up such a sweat the woman worried he might collapse. Finally, he let go, red-faced and huffing.

“Madam, you are precisely 50 years old.”

“How the hell did you know that!?”

The old man stood and tossed his lunch in the trash.

“I was behind you in line at Subway.”

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, “can I get some mayo?”

…

I look at her, she’s looking at me, I pick up the mayo, I’m waiting for her to be like haha jk.

Nothing.

Me: “You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?”

THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT.

She stood there for a second.

V: “N-no it doesn’t, I get mayo every time, are you sure?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, mayo has egg whites in it.”

I felt so horrible, she stood there with such a distraught and defeated face, I had shattered this poor girl’s world.

I had a couple people waiting so I had to get this lady out of here.

Me: “Would you like the mayo on it ma’am?”

V: “Sure, go ahead.”

She sounded so done, so defeated,

So I gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time. She took her sandwich and started walking out.

Me: “Thank you for coming, have a nice day!”

She just looked at me, sighed, “yea, I’ll try” and walked out.

And that’s the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

Pretty Young Thing (P.Y.T.) – Michael Jackson

and bought her a footlong sandwich. With cat like reflexes and a crazed look in her eyes she quickly slammed the sandwich on the table and whipped out a tape measure from her purse.

“I need to see if this is actually one foot long!” she giggled like a nervous school girl.

She pulled the tape measure along the length of the sandwich and disappointly saw that it was only 10 inches long. Shaking with fury, she glared across the room and yelled at me:

“Where the hell is the rest of my sandwich??”

Desperate to not ruin things with her, I decided to use my wit and play things cool. I leaned across the table and pressed my lips against her ear.

“Don’t worry babes, you’ll be getting the other two inches later tonight”, I whispered softly to her.

He loved to eat fresh

Edit: Thanks for the cold kind stranger!

…and they want you to pay $60k a year for this?

Everyone there is already great at making things inbred.

She suggested, “How about one of those places where they make your food right in front of you?”

So I took her to Subway.

And that’s how the fight started.

Elon wanted to put Thai boys into small objects, Jared wanted to put small objects into Thai boys.

I looked him in the eye and said “Yes, it’s ok, you’re free now”

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked “Say Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replies “My son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man”

“Well I’ll be darned” the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper.

The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. “I’m sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

You don’t know how many homeless guys were in them before you came along.

But he didn’t care, you know why

Because he was ok with anything under 18

Whoops, wrong sub.

He used to have mild cholesterol problems, but they turned into child molestoral problems.

When they noticed an old man hunching and limping around.

— Poor guy – says one doctor — Yet another victim of sclerosis.

— Sclerosis? – asks the other one — I don’t think so. That’s clearly rheumatism.

— You can’t be serious – replies the first one — How are you even a doctor if you can’t identify a case of sclerosis?

— Why don’t we ask him then? We’re never going to get anywhere just arguing here.

The two doctors then approach the old man

— Excuse me, sir. Me and my friend are doctors, and we were wondering about your condition. I said you have sclerosis, while my friend said you have rheumatism. Could you please sort this out for us?

— Well – says the old man – Looks like the three of us were mistaken

— The three of us? – asks the doctor

— Yes. I was wrong too – comments the old man — I thought it was just a little fart…