Piano Jokes

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says “It would to be something spectacular to take that offer.” The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.

Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man “You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this.” The man says “In the alley way behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them.” Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.

A few minutes passed and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking. The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks. He manages to secure the door and says to the man “I think that the Genie is hard of hearing, because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands.” The man chuckles and says “Did you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?”

Suddenly the piano opens and a clown climbs out. The guy is amazed, but the piano player just plays on as if nothing happened. The guy rubs his eyes and decides to slow down a bit, and orders a glass of water. But ten minutes later another clown climbs out, and then one more, and the piano player still doesn’t notice. Finally the guy can’t take any more. He goes up to the piano player and says, “Do you know three clowns just climbed out of your piano?” Piano player responds, “No, but if you hum a few bars I can probably fake it.”

So he walks in and there’s a guy about a foot tall that is beautifully playing any song someone requests. The guy is totally perplexed and asked the bartender how they found him. Bartender points to a genie sitting at the end of the bar and tells him he’ll grant any wishes you want.

The guy walks up to the genie and says “I wish I had a million bucks!” Poof, there’s a million ducks that appeared out of nowhere.

Guy tells the bartender the genie got it wrong. Bartender replies “you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist’?

… A wise man gives his wife an upright organ.

Bach bach

He quickly sits down and plays his first piece, panting and out of breath.

His teacher says “Mr. Klein, that was terrible! Relax and try again.”

Toby takes a deep breath and plays the piece again, but his teacher says, “That is still awful Mr. Klein! Try playing it in another key”.

Toby plays the piece yet again, this time in G. The teacher shouts, “Yes, yes, that is perfect!”

Toby beams and asks, “I could hear the difference too. Why was it so much better?” The teacher turns to Toby and says:

You’ve got to be cool Toby Klein, in the right major.

Customer walks up to me and asks “Can you play Strawberry Fields Forever?”

“No, after a few hours my fingers get tired”

‘I know you haven’t’ replies the piano tuner ‘Your neighbours did for you’

He sets the tiny piano down at the bar, and the tiny pianist starts playing up a storm. The bartender looks at the man and says, “That’s amazing, where did you get that?” The man replies, “There’s a genie outside your bar that will grant you one wish.”

The bartender runs outside and sure enough there is a genie. Without hesitation the bartender says “Genie, I wish for a million bucks!” The genie snaps his fingers and disappears. Instantly, a million ducks fly overhead.

The bartender walks back inside and says, “Hey man, I think there’s something wrong with that genie. I asked for a million bucks, but he gave me a million ducks.”

The man says, “You’re telling me. You think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”

If their not upright, their Grand .

MY parents recently retired. Mum always wanted to learn to play the piano, so Dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. “Oh, we returned the piano,” said my dad. “I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead.” “How come?” I asked. “Because,” he answered, “with a clarinet, she can’t sing.”

So he brings it home and hires a guy to come tune it. The piano tuner struggles with it and after five minutes says, “Lemme guess… West African piano?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” my uncle responds.

“Well, West African pianos are notoriously hard to tune,” he says, “not like North African pianos, they Tunisia “

One sounds like Thelonius Monk, and the other sounds like a melodious “thunk!”.

The bartender asks the gentleman “what’s up”?

The gentleman explains how he found a magic lamp with a genie inside and he grants wishes. The gentleman says if you give me a couple free drinks I will gladly let you make a wish.

The bartender thinks, ok what’s the worst that can happen.

The bartender gives the gentleman a couple free drinks and the gentleman in return summons the genie.

The bartender makes his wish!

Not a second later the bar door bursts open and a million ducks fill the bar.

The bartender says to the gentleman “what the hell is this? I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!”

The gentleman looks at the bartender and says “yeah, the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I wished for a 9 inch pianist?”

The friend says “ok let’s see it”. The man opens the suitcase and sure enough a small dog with a small piano comes out and plays the piano with great skill. As he plays a crowd gathers around to watch. After some time a female dog comes out from the crowd, picks him up by the scruff and carries him off. The friend asks “what’s going on is that part of his routine?” The man says “No that’s his mother, she wants him to be a doctor.”

(Translated from Hindi and relayed by my father in law)

Because he sucks on an organ.

A diseased beaver on your organ

Beethoven’s Last Movement

because the keys are inside

The store keeper says “sir. We are a piano shop. We don’t sell wasps”. The guys says. Then why have you got some in the window?

“Sure I can, just gotta use the C scale!”

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna!

focuses only on bach

and he sees this small man playing the piano. The man, astounded, asks the bartender why there is a small man playing the piano in the bar. The bartender pulls out a dusty old lamp and says that there is a genie in there and that he would grant one wish to anyone who frees him.

So the man walks outside the bar with the lamp, rubs it and sure enough a genie comes out. “Thank you for freeing me. For this, you can have one wish.” So the man thinks for a bit and shouts, “I want a million ducks!” and as soon as he said it, money fell from the sky, hundreds and thousands of cash scattered everywhere. So the man collects all the cash and walks back into the bar to return the lamp. The bartender, who witnessed the whole event asks, “Wow, how did you know that the genie was hard of hearing?”

“Well,” the man replies, “I see this joke posted here every day.”

…but he sucks on the organ.

The guy with the harmonica sure won’t shut the hell up.

But it couldn’t B flat.

Doctor: Yes, I don’t see why not.

Patient: That’s wonderful I could never play piano before!

tulips on an organ…

It really bruised the side of my head.

His funeral was very low key

He hates playing the Lokis.

(I know it’s bad plus it’s better read out loud)

You’d b-flat.

Once, there lived a man, who was very good at playing the piano, and he became very rich from all of the concerts he played at. Eventually, he saved enough money to buy himself a large mansion. He was very excited at this. He packed up all of his belongings, including his enormous grand piano, and put them on the moving trucks to take them to his new mansion.

However, on the way, the trucks drove past a quarry, and one of the trucks ran over a large rock and lost control. Though the truck managed to stay on the road, this was the truck that was carying the grand piano, and as it swerved, the piano fell out. The piano then dropped into the quarry, where it squashed one of the workers, and killed him instantly.

After this, the piano player was very sad. He felt that it was completely his fault that the worker had died, and decided to compose a song that was dedicatated to the dead worker.

He called it “Symphony of A Flat Minor”

Because I play with myself alone at night

His Bach was worse than his bite

But he sucked on the organ.

When the right ones are together they form accord

A minor

They get the fingering right.

Because she uses the other one to sing

In the spoo-key.

A flat minor.

The middle C was silent.

Because he was Haydn.

They both have three pedals, and most people only know what two of them do.

When they’re not upright, they’re grand.

Son: I don’t know.

Dad: Glad we don’t have a piano.

That way my life ends on a dramatic note.

He kept fingering A minor.

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was really something special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right every single time.”

Passenger: “Wow, what a guy!”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.

He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.

He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”

Son can you play me a melody?

I’m not really sure how it goes

But it’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete

When I wore a younger man’s clothes

The most basic requirement of song requests

Is to know what tune you have heard

Do you also go to the library

And ask for a book that has words?

It was a flat out disaster.

So there was once this one giant who had magic powers. So the giant being so tall and heavy was afraid of storing things on the floor because he would sometimes step on them and break them without realizing it.

After enough times of that happening he decided he would use his magic to just make a magical floating storage area in the sky. He called the storage area his attic because he thought it was neat, as he’d never been able to fit in a real house with a real attic.

Anywho the magic of the attic had worn down over time and stuff was starting to fall randomly. One day the giant is sleeping on his stomach and a piano falls out of the attic right onto his back. He goes to his village and sees someone who is both a doctor and magician. He says to the doctor/magician “So I was just laying down on my stomach and a piano fell on my lower back”. The doctor/magician says “Oh, so you need my medical skills because you have a hurt sciatic?” And the giant says “Actually I need your magic skills because I have a weak sky attic”

pianos?

Is about a man who was bitten by a radioactive piano.

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it’ll hit A minor

A flat major.

What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a beehive?

B flat.

What do you get if you drop a piano on a Morris Marina?

An episode of Top Gear.

Wouldn’t a racecar driver be called a racist?

He then went home and broke the world record for most satisfied girlfriend.

…because it’s a Gsus chord.

… I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn’t want a flat minor.