Jelly Jokes

A newly wedded couple were on their honeymoon and were getting busy. They finish and the husband takes the condom off and accidentally throws it out the window.

The wife says “You can’t leave that out there. Go get it.”

So the husband gets dressed and runs outside. He sees a little boy holding up the condom.

The husband says “Hey little boy, that’s my jelly doughnut, can I have that back”

The little boy says “No. Finders keepers.”

The husband says “I’ll give you $1 for it?”

“No”

“I’ll give you $5 for it”

“No”

Finally the husband says “Okay I’ll give you $20 and that’s it”

The little boys agrees and takes the $20 and hands over the condom and runs off home.

When he gets there he says “Mommy!! Mommy!!! I just got $20 off a jelly doughnut I found. The best thing is I already ate all the jelly out of it!!!!!”

The first kid says “I’ll have $1 worth of jelly beans, sir!” The jelly beans are on a shelf, so the candy store owner has to get a ladder out, get the jelly beans, weigh out $1 worth, put the beans back on the shelf, climb down the ladder, put it away, and give the kid the jelly beans. “There’s your jelly beans, young man,” he says. The next kid says “I’ll have $1 worth of jelly beans as well, sir!” So the guy has to do the whole thing again: get the ladder, climb up, grab $1 of jelly beans, climb back down, but before he puts the ladder away, he asks the third kid “are you also wanting $1 of jelly beans?” The kid says “no.” So he puts the ladder away again, hands the jelly beans to the second kid, and turns to the third kid. “What can I get you, young man?” The third kid says “I’ll have $1.50 of jelly beans, please.”

Three boys walk into a candy shop and walk up to the counter. “What can I get you boys?” The shopkeep asks the first boy. “I’d like a dime’s worth of jelly beans!” Well, it just so happened that the jellybeans were at the top shelf! So the shopkeeper got out his ladder, climbed up, got the jellybeans, climbed down, put the ladder away and sold the first boy his jellybeans.

“I’d like the same thing!” Said the second boy. So the shopkeeper got out the ladder, climbed up and got the jelly beans. While he was up there, he asked the third boy “Do *you* want a dime’s worth of jellybeans too?”

“No thank you.” Said the third boy. So the shopkeeper climbed down, put the ladder away and sold the second boy his jellybeans. “So, what can I get for *you* sonny?” He asked the third boy.

“I’d like a *dollar’s* worth of jelly beans please!”

Traffic Jam

**My daughter read me this from her Gogurt wrapper. My answer was Toe Jam.

I’ve never gotten stuck in a traffic jelly!

Santa doesn’t jelly himself down the chimney on Christmas Eve.

It was jammed.

Jelly is made by filtering out the fruit pulp after the initial heating, whereas jam contains the small pieces of chopped up fruit.

I’m tired of seeing “I can’t jelly my dick up your butt”, so I wanted to give the correct answer.

Come in different colors.

Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.

What’d you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.

Where all the holes at?!

KY jelly.

Because it saw the apple turnover!

Senate Republicans can’t jelly Judge Barrett onto the Supreme Court.

Pb & J.

He wanted to create a traffic jam.

I am aware that these are 2 different substances

It just wasn’t his jam

My office printer doesn’t jelly every time I try to print 🙁

to create a traffic jam

I need to preserve my legacy

I asked her how it happened but her lips were sealed

Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled “YO! THAT’S MY JAM!”

And then died

google maps.

Known as ‘Y2KY Jelly, it now allowed you to put all four digits in your date

“You’re see, through!”

It allows you to insert four digits into your date where you could previously only fit two.

I think I’ve set a dangerous president.