A frog goes to get a bank loan.
Patricia says, “Well that’s a lot!”
Frog says, “It’s okay, my dad’s Mick Jagger.”
“That’s nice,” Patricia answers, “but if you want to borrow that much, the bank needs some kind of collateral.”
So the frog takes a ceramic pig out of its little bag and sets it on Patricia’s desk (he looks very smug at this point). He says, “I think this ought to take care of that.”
“Uh, let me check with my boss.” So Patricia takes the ceramic pig back to her bosses office and explains the situation. “And what the heck even is this?” she concludes, pointing at the ceramic pig.
Her boss says, “It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give a frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
What did Clint Eastwood say before firing up the ceramic bowl he made in pottery class?
*walks away slowly*
What do you call a ceramic artist in need of a shave?
Breaking News!
A frog goes into a bank
”Hi,” he croaks.”What’s your name?’
The loan officer says, ”My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?”
”Yeah,” says the frog. ”I’d like to borrow some money.”
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ”Okay,what’s your name?”
The frog replies, ”Kermit Jagger.”
”Really?” says the loan officer. ”Any relation to Mick Jagger?”
”Yeah, he’s my dad.”
”Hmmm,” says the loan officer. ”Do you have any collateral?”
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ”Will this do?”
The loan officer says, ”Um, I’m not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.”
”Oh, tell him I said hi,” adds the frog. ”He knows me.”
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ”Excuse me, sir, but there’s a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I’m not even sure what it is.”
The manager says: ”It’s a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
My ceramics teacher came into class so drunk he fell into the kiln.
At the ceramic tile factory they have employee parties where they make the tiles stand on edge. Instead of commending the skill involved they make fun of eachother.
A frog walks into a bank to get a loan…
She says “Well I don’t know. We don’t normally give out loans to frogs.”
The frog says “Well, I want a loan.”
She says “alright, well what’s your first name?”
“Kermit.”
Laughing, the woman says “No way. You’re not *Kermit the Frog*.”
“No, I’m not. But I’m named after him,” says the frog.
“And your last name?”
“Jagger.”
“What, like *Mick Jagger?*”
“Yes,” says the frog. “He’s my father actually.”
“Alright, well do you have any collateral?”
The frog says “No. All I have is this.”
The frog hands her a tiny little ceramic pink elephant.
She says “What on earth am I supposed to do with this?” Concerned, she goes back to check with the manager.
The manager says “What is it, Patty? Can’t you see I’m busy?”
She tells him “Listen. A frog is out there right now. His name is Kermit and he claims that his father is Mick Jagger. He asked to take out a loan, and when I asked him for some collateral, he handed me this little elephant thing.”
“Give me that,” says the manager.
He puts on his glasses and looks at it closely. “What… I, uh… hmm…”
…
“I know what this is! This is a knick knack, Patty Whack! Give the frog a loan! His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”
A frog goes into a bank (long)
Manager comes over and says, “what’s the problem Miss Whack?” To which Patti replies, “well you see this frog here wants to take out a loan, he says he’s Mick Jagger’s son and he produced this tiny elephant for collateral. This is highly unusual and I’m not sure what to do.”
The exacerbated manger rolls his eyes, sighs, and says:
“Oh for God Sake! It’s a knick knack Patti Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone!”
My ceramics teacher was excellent.
Did you hear about the magical gorilla taking ceramics class at Hogwarts?
A frog walks into a bank
“I’d like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black”
“Certainly,” says the teller, “how much would that be for?”
“One million dollars.” replies the frog. “Don’t worry, it’s ok, I know the manager.”
The teller is understandably taken aback by this, and asks if the frog has any collateral to cover this.
“As a matter of fact, I do!” says the frog, and he reaches into his pocket and hands over a tiny ceramic elephant.
“What?!” says the teller, “This is garbage! I can’t take this!”
“Well, take it up with my father then!” The frog retorts.
“Oh yeah, and who might that be?” The teller is quickly getting more and more annoyed at the frog.
“Why, it’s Keith Richards!” The frog is waiting impatiently, tapping his toe on the ground. “Now, can I have that loan or not?”
“Wait right here” the teller says, as she storms into the back room, looking for her manager.
“There’s a frog out there who claims to know you, and wants a million dollar loan. He claims his father his Keith Richards! He even gave me this as collateral,” she says, holding up the elephant. “I mean, what even is this?”
The manager takes a look at the elephant and replies “It’s a knick knack, Paddy Black, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone!”
I am addicted to smashing up ceramic bathrooms.
What do you call it when the inventor of the ceramic knee replacement gets a metal knee replacement?
A frog walks into a bank.
Confused, the teller asks for the frog’s name.
“My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone’s legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan” he says. “And what is **YOUR** name?”
“My name is Patricia. Patricia Whack” replied the teller. “I’m afraid we don’t normally give loans to frogs, sir”
“Look” said the frog. “I’m Kermit T. Jagger. My father is **Rolling Stones legend Mick Jagger**. I want a goddamn loan. Understand me? Here. I even brought collateral.”
After a bit of dry heaving, flying out of the frog’s mouth comes a tiny ceramic figurine.
Stunned, and unsure as to what to do, the tellers picks up the slimy statue and makes her way to the bank manager’s office.
“Sir, I have a…frog at my counter. He says he’s Kermit T. Jagger, son of Mick Jagger, and he wants a loan. He even gave me some ‘collateral’ in the form of this little…thing?”
The bank manager smiles.
“Relax” he says. “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
I had to leave my job at the ceramics factory when they introduced the new equestrian range.
A frog walks into a bank
And the teller says “Wow, that’s a lot, do you have anything for collateral?” So Kermit hands her this little pink ceramic elephant. Bewildered at how much money the frog wants, and how seemingly cheep the collateral is, she goes and asks her boss what to do
So the girl goes out and says to her boss “hey, sir, there’s this frog out there who’s claiming to be the son of mick jagger, and he’s asking for $30,000, but all he’s given me for collateral is this weird little elephant, I mean, what even is this thing?”
And the boss says “it’s a Nick-nack patty wack, give that frog a loan, his old man’s a rolling stone”
A dog walks into a bank and asks for a loan…
The dog leans across the the counter, looks at his name tag and says “Here’s the thing Mr. Wakk, can I call you Patrick? I’m actually Keith Richard’s son. So you know I’m good for it.”
The teller says “I’m sorry Mr. Dog we’re still going to have to ask for collateral.”
The dog hands him a ceramic elephant.
Confused the teller goes to his manager and tells him the story. He says “I don’t know what to do, I don’t even know what this thing is.”
The manager says “It’s a knick-knack Paddy Wakk, give the dog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now.
*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment*
I was impressed……
On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife’s supervision.
Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.
He meets the loan officer whose name is Mr. Paddywack. Paddywack says what can I do for you Kermit?
Kermit says I’d like to get a loan for $20,000.
Well that’s a lot of money Kermit. What kind of collateral do you have asks Paddywack.>Kermit tells him I have a grey ceramic elephant.
Paddywack says that’s a little unusual. But you’re a big star and all. I’ll go and ask the bank manager.
So Paddywack goes into the manager’s office and says Kermit the Frog is here.
The manager says what does he want Paddywack?
He wants a loan for $20,000.
Well what kind of collateral does he have, the manager asks.
Paddywack says he has a grey ceramic elephant.
The manager says…
It’s a knick Knack Paddywack. Give the frog a loan.
I made a ceramic sculpture of Mohammed Ali but it exploded in the kiln.
Have you heard about the activist group that fights for ceramic containers in fast food restaurants?
Someone was telling me about her favorite kitchen utensil.She used it for everything. She would probably display it in her ceramic container which sat on the kitchen counter. For years she didn’t know what it was called or what it’s intended purpose was for. She bought it at a yard sale for 25cents.
Swedish Computer Terms
|:-|:-|
|Log On:|Makin’ da vood stove hotter!!|
|Log Off:|Don’t add no more vood!!|
|Monitor:|Keepin’ an eye on da vood!!|
|Download:|Gettin’ da vood off da truck!!|
|Mega Hertz:|Ven yer not careful gettin’ da firevood!!|
|Floppy Disc:|Vat yew get from trying tew carry tew much vood!!|
|Ram:|Dat ting dat splits da vood!!|
|Hard Drive:|Gettin’ home in da vinter time in da snow!!|
|Prompt:|Vat da mail ain’t in da vinter time!!|
|Windows:|Vat yew shut ven it’s cold outside!!|
|Screen:|Vat yew shut vens it’s black fly season!!|
|Byte:|Vat dem dang black flies do!!|
|Chip:|Munchies fer da TV!!|
|Microchip:|Vat’s in da bottom of da munchies bag!!|
|Modem:|Vat yew did tew da hay fields!!|
|Dot Matrix:|Old Dan Matrix’s vife!!|
|Laptop:|Vhere da kitty sleeps!!|
|Keyboard:|Vhere yew hang da keys!!|
|Software:|Dem dang plastic forks and knifes!!|
|Mouse:|Vat eats da grain in da barn!!|
|Mainframe:|Holds up da barn roof!!|
|Port:|Fancy vine!!|
|Random Access Memory:|Ven yew can’t remember vat yew paid fer da rifle, ven yer vife asks!!|
Comment or upvote yer favorite!!
(Ripped from an obviously dated ceramic decoration I found)