Architecture Jokes

Build it and they will come

Give me 3 concrete examples

She decided to take residence in a house that was built by a small family several years ago. There was some construction to be done, however, so she called one of her friends who had a background in architecture to point her in the right direction.

He arrived early one morning, surveying the house. Thankful for his presence, the young woman guided her friend to the room that she was thinking of customizing. It was fairly small and had five walls, the fifth of which held the doorway.

“I’m thinking of tearing down some walls in here to make more room,” she said. “Can you help?”

Her friend looked around the perimeter of the room, putting his knowledge of architecture to the test. Finally, pointing at one section of the structure, he gave a single warning. “This fourth one’s a load-bearing wall, You’ll have to leave it alone, or else this whole place’s integrity will be at risk.”

The woman nodded, but was clearly still perplexed. Leading her friend to the door, she thanked him for the help as he left.

A week later, he and the woman bumped into each other at a restaurant.

“Hey! Did I end up helping you out with our house problem at all?”

“You were a bit confusing, but I eventually found someone who could help.”

Curious, he asked “Well… who did you ask?”

A smile occupying her face, she answered “It took a bit of looking, but I found that the Redditors reading this joke were quite helpful!”

A look of panic crossed her friend’s face.

Concerned as to what possibly could be the problem, she asked, “What’s wrong…?” A few moments passed before he answered:

“I told you not to break the fourth wall.”

but I’ll cross that bridge when I come on it.

The governor of Florida had enough of the Florida jokes. It was affecting their tourism and he was always made fun of at the annual governor softball tournament. He sat in his office all day and thought of ways how to change this.

One day, the governor of Alabama called. It was a social call, and they talked for a while about family and stuff. Then the Florida governor mentioned his frustration with the whole Florida-Man situation, to which the governor of Alabama replied: “Oh, I wish I could help with that.”. Suddenly, the governor of Florida got an idea. “You could help me,” he said, “by doing something so ridiculous, so outrageous that people would make fun of you guys for a while.”. The governor of Alabama thought about the proposal a bit, but accepted it. “I could do that. And I have an idea, but it will take some time.”

The governor of Florida hung up after thanking his colleague repeatedly. *Finally,* he thought to himself *finally some peace.*

The idea was indeed outrageous and ridiculous. After months of construction work and millions of tax money spent, a bridge was constructed. It was a beautiful piece of architecture, a true monument of its time….in the middle of a cornfield. No water. No roads. Just a cornfield. The media blew up and the internet was flooded with jokes about Alabama. The plan worked very well. The governor of Florida was so happy. Tourism started to go up again and life was great again.

After a month or so however, the jokes about Alabama died down pretty quickly. People resumed joking about Florida again. The governor of Florida called his colleague in Alabama, confused and angry. “What the hell? Why are people not making fun of you guys anymore!? We had a deal”

With a sigh the governor of Alabama replied “Look, we did what we could. But it’s not our fault Floridians keep coming to the bridge to go fishing!”

The Italian student proposes an idea his Greek classmate, “Let’s meet up again in 10 years, to see how successful we have become”. The Greek student, interested in this proposition, accepts.

10 years later

The Greek man is invited to the home of the Italian man, when he arrives, he is picked up by a limousine, which drives through the countryside to a mansion on a hill. There is a pool outside, 3 floors, and a massive garden. The Greek man is awestruck and says “My friend, how did you manage to accomplish this in 10 years?”, the Italian man laughs and says “You see that road over there?” The Greek man looks over, “The government paid me to make a road which was 10 meters wide, I made it 9”. Thinking over this, the Greek man nods and asks the Italian man to visit him in 10 years.

10 years later

The Italian man is invited to the home of the Greek man, when he arrives, he is picked up by a helicopter. The helicopter flies him to a massive mansion on the top of a mountain, with 3 pools, and a great vineyard stretching on for as far as the eye can see. There are cars lining the parking lot, and stories upon stories of housing. The Italian man, awestruck, says “My friend, how did you manage to accomplish this in 10 years?”. The Greek man laughs and says, “You see that road over there?”, the Italian man replies: “What road?”

Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

An Italian and a Greek are debating the intellectual and cultural values of their respective countries. The Greek scoffs, “You Italians learned everything you know from us Greeks. For instance, we came up with the Classical Pantheon.” The Italian replies, “Yes, but we improved upon everything you did. We changed their names and made some more practical ones too.”

The Greek responded, “We invented architecture.” The Italian said back, “Yes, but we created the Coliseum.”

The Greek responded, “We created the art of sculpture.” The Italian said back, “Yes, but we had Michelangelo’s David Statue.”

The Greek responded, “We created the art of painting.” The Italian said back, “Yes, but we made the Mona Lisa.”

The Greek responded, “Aha! But we created the art of love.” To which the Italian retorted, “Yes, but we introduced it to women.”

After spending 60 years being married.

When they reach the pearly gates, St George greets them and says, “Welcome! Let me show you what we have.”

The saint leads the couple to a massive golf course and a huge golf club, with premium equipment.

“You’ll never find anywhere better!” George said.

Looking at this, the woman was overjoyed, but the man seemed slightly angry.

Then the saint showed them an extremely long buffet table.

“You can find any food in the world here!” He said and the woman was delighted, but the old man seemed even more livid.

Then, St. George showed them a gigantic boulevard, filled with mansions with outstanding architecture.

“Choose any one you like!” George said.

The woman couldn’t have been happier, but the man has a complete fit of rage and storms off.

After his wife finds him, she asks him what’s wrong and he yells “If it wasn’t for you damn bran muffins, I could’ve been here years ago!

[Source](http://smile.xonaki.com/Joke/EN?categoryCode=EN&jokeId=63#mainBody)

I had gone to visit my grandfather, a well-travelled man, and was telling him about my trip: the towering buildings, ornate architecture, and warm beaches of the cities I’d visited en route to his home town. I told him how all the walking had made me develop a blister on the bottom of my foot, and that in spite of the blister, I’d kept walking and exploring. By the last day, I was literally hobbling along almost on one leg, and had to call it quits.

His reply?

“Well, I guess you could say, your heart was willing, but your sole was weak!”

Los Angeles has always been a place for these massive feats of human accomplishment. Case in point, in 1989, a local billionaire spent millions of his own money to create a unique building of fantastic architecture, one that would draw people in for thousands of miles. He hired a small time architect to design the structure.

After the buildings completion in 1994, it was revealed that the billionaire had tricked the architect, taking the design rights for his own and conning the designer out of millions.

In 1997, only 3 years after its completion, the building mysteriously collapsed. Police were called in, witnesses were questioned, the works. No one had a cause, and the leads were few and far between. Perhaps the billionaire, who had taken out an insurance policy, caused the collapse. Maybe it was the architect, angered about his work being stolen. Even still perhaps it was simply a disgruntled employee.

After countless weeks of debate, a man finally stepped forward. In front of thousands he called a press conference, claiming to have found the responsible party.

“Was it the billionaire?” One reporter questioned

“Was it the architect?” Another asked

“Was it an employee?” A policeman jumped in

“No,” The man said “none of them were responsible”

The reporters swarmed in “who was responsible then? Who’s fault was it?”

“Well the truth is,” the man adjusted his glasses “it was San Andreas’ Fault”

A foreign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the

Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it

took to build.

“Twenty years,” replied the guide.

“You Indians are a lazy lot,” the tourist said. In my country, this could have>been built in five.

At Agra he admired the Taj’s beauty and asked how many years it took to

build.

“Only ten years,” said the guide.

The tourist retorted: “You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings

in two-and-a-half.”

In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have

been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the

Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: “I don’t

know. It wasn’t there yesterday evening.”

He landed in the state of West Bengal, the former seat of the East Indian Company.

Dressed in classic gentlemanly fashion he decided to start the tour by visiting the famed Victoria Memorium Hall. Taken aback by the marvellous architecture, he stopped the nearest passerby and asked, “Who made this beautiful structure, if I may ask?”. The passerby answered, “Who knows Sir?” The British man’s eyes lit up. He thought, “I must visit Sir Huenose before I leave this country!”.

His next stop was the Eden Gardens Stadium. Again, he was stunned by the architectural design of the stadium. In his excitement, he grabbed the nearest person and asked, “Who made this beautiful structure, if I may ask?”. The person clearly irked by the grabbing irritably said, “Who knows Sir?”. The British man was taken aback. He thought, “I simply must meet Sir Huenose before I leave. He seems to be a household name here”.

His last stop of the day took him to the Hoogly Bridge. He was once again amazed by the breathtaking design. Again he beckoned the nearest person and asked, “Who might have made this structure, if I may ask?” The man clearly in a hurry said, “Who knows Sir?” and left. The British man had no words left to praise the achievements of Sir Huenose.

At sundown, he was slowly walking past the Ganges river while formulating the best way to setup a meet with Sir Huenose.

Then suddenly he notices several Hindu priests carrying a body on their shoulders while chanting their god’s name. Wondering who it might be, he asked the nearest person, “Who might that be, if I may ask?”. The person being a simple bystander shrugged and said, “Who knows Sir?”.

Griefstricken, the British man exclaimed “Oh what a dreadful day, Sir Huenose is dead!!”

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P.S: This joke is best said in my native language. Tried to give it a good translation, probably needs a lot of polishing.

Dwayne ‘Baroque’ Johnson

I’m due to graduate from college with Classics and Architecture majors soon, so I had a meeting with my professor.

We sat down and started to look at my grades. All A’s and B’s down the list until we hit the class I’d taken 3 times.

“What happened with Greek Myths? Was it the professor?”

“I don’t know, I guess it was just my Achilles elbow.”

The British museum is a really cool place.

It was a magnificent golden palace, with beautiful ornaments covering every surface as it towered over the surrounding landscape with its size. The steps leading up to the front entrance were crafted from the finest marble, the pillars holding up the ceiling sculpted with the rarest jade. It was truly a great piece of human architecture.

As the Great Khan stood facing his latest prize, a general in his inner circle asked “O Great Khan, what shall we do with the palace”. After a long pause, Genghis said with a blank expression:

“Raze it”

While walking away. “Yes Great Khan, with great pleasure”, the general said with a vicious smirk on his face.

Almost immediately, the general orders his army to begin preparations to tear down the palace. The jade pillars were knocked down, the marble stairs leading up to the front entrance ripped from the surface. Fires spread across the whole palace, bringing down the ceiling and ornaments covered across the roof. The loot and spoils hauled out while its inhabitants were dragged out, mercilessly slaughtered by the bloodthirsty soldiers. After a few hours, what remained of the great palace was just rubble stacked on top of each other and the burnt ashes which were carried by the wind into the distance.

A few days later, there was a feast held by the Great Khan and his top generals to celebrate the recent victory. While everyone was celebrating, Genghis asked his general:

“So how did that business with the palace go. Have you taken care of it?”

“Of course Great Khan, I put the soldiers immediately to work and finished in a matter of hours.” Replied the general

“Hoh, very impressive. I didn’t expect you to finish so soon. Take me there tomorrow, I want to see for myself”, Genghis said approvingly

“Yes Great Khan, it would be my absolute honour” Replied the general

Dawn broke, signalled by the rising sun as it slowly enveloped the trees and mountains with an orange hue. Genghis and the general arrived at the location of what used to be the grand palace.

“Behold, O Great Khan. This truly was a grand palace of monolitich scale, but it was no match for our fine soldiers. Every step leading up to the front entrance was pulled out, every pillar broken down, every room set ablaze and every man, woman and child cut down. We also saved the gold and treasure and I made sure every piece went into the treasury. All this, done in your name, oh Mighty Khan.”

The general expected some sort of praise, but when he looked back to see the Khan’s expression, it was not a look of awe. Alas, a look of shock and dismay was plastered across his face.

“W- what happened to the palace? What did you do? Why is it all destroyed?” Genghis said with confusion, turning to fury with each word he spake.

The general himself was equally confused, but also terrified of his blunder, although not knowing why. He sheepishly replied “But sir, you told me to raze it, so that’s exactly what I did.”

Genghis, now red with rage and anger, said “That’s not what I meant you cretin! I only wanted you to add a few storeys!”

I recommended a thin client architecture.

Three middle-aged women are sitting on a park bench discussing their children.

“My son William studied Architecture at Cambridge. He’s 25 years old now and he makes £70,000 a year at Bregmann and Hamann,” the first woman says.

“My son Charlie read Law at Oxford. He’ll be turning 23 in October and he makes £100,000 a year at Shoe Lane Chambers,” says the second woman.

“My son Max didn’t go to uni. He left school at the age of 16, as a matter of fact. He’s 30 now, but he makes half a million a year working as a sports mechanic in London,” the third woman says.

“I’ve heard of car mechanics, plane mechanics, and typewriter mechanics, but not a sports mechanic. What’s that?” the first woman asks.

“Well, you know, he fixes rugby matches, football matches, tennis matches…”

God tells Satan and Jesus they are supposed to create the perfect computer program.

Satan starts off strong and within the first fifteen minutes has the rough architecture of his program figured out and designed.

30 minutes in and Satan is cruising along. Satan is getting all the layers the way he wants them and is getting ready to put the finishing touches on his program.

As Satan is polishing off his program at the 45 minute mark the power goes out.

Satan starts his computer up and he has lost everything.

Satan is furious but thinks to himself that it is ok because Jesus has lost power too and they will be in the same position.

Satan is hammering away with his claws trying frantically to get his program back to where it was but God calls time and asks Satan for his program.

God Judges Satans program and it performs absolutely terribly. Satan isn’t concerned due to the fact that Jesus had the same issue.

God then asks for Jesus’s program and uses it. Works flawlessly.

Satan is flabbergasted as to how Jesus could recover after the power outage and asks God how it was possible.

God looks at Satan and says…

Jesus saves